In my secret life
by leedee
Summary: The war is finally over and Harry is celebrating with a weekend in Hogsmeade. His girlfriend Ginny will join him, as will his bestfriends Hermione and Ron. But what will happen when Harry realizes that he has feelings for Hermione?
1. In my secret life

In My Secret Life

-

Chapter One

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_I saw you this morning._

_You were moving so fast._

_Can't seem to loosen my grip_

_on the past._

_And I miss you so much._

_There's no one in sight._

_And we're still making love_

_In My Secret Life._

_I smile when I'm angry._

_I cheat and I lie._

_I do what I have to do_

_To get by._

_But I know what is wrong._

_And I know what is right._

_And I'd die for the truth_

_In My Secret Life._

_Hold on, hold on, my brother._

_My sister, hold on tight._

_I finally got my orders._

_I'll be marching through the morning,_

_Marching through the night,_

_Moving cross the borders_

_Of My Secret Life._

_-Leonard Cohen_

Harry threw his bag on the bed at the Three Broomsticks; it felt great to finally be there. He looked out the window and saw the snow falling; it looked so calm and beautiful. He still couldn't believe it was all finally over. Two weeks ago he had conquered Voldemort in the final battle and he had prevailed. The war lasted almost eighteen months and now it was over, but Harry had a feeling of emptiness inside. He had killed the most evil wizard of all, the man who took Harry's parents and had caused the deaths of both Sirius and Dumbledore.

He tried to shake off the thought of the war. This Christmas was truly about celebrating life. The gang would all be at the Burrow together again, but even before that, he had a week of fun ahead of him. They were to spend a few days at the Three Broomsticks and, hopefully, lots of his old Hogwarts friends would be there. Hogsmeade had become a gathering point during the war; a camp site for the good wizards to meet. He couldn't think of any other place more fitting for their celebrations.

Ron and Hermione were going to join him later that evening after a short visit to the Burrow. Ginny would be coming in two days because she had a few lessons at Hogwarts that she had to attend. Harry was back with Ginny while Ron and Hermione were officially a couple. The war had brought people together, but it had also changed people in both good and bad ways.

Harry looked down at the busy street. People looked happy and hopeful, but a few walked by with a distinct look of sorrow. He knew that they had lost someone dear to them in the war; a feeling he knew well. Harry saw Seamus Finnigan and Neville Longbottom walking down the street. He hid behind the curtain as he wasn't in the mood to chat right now. He felt exhausted and it was quite cold in the room, despite the burning fire in the corner. He crawled under the blanket on the bed, and fell asleep. After what felt like only ten minutes, he heard a very loud banging on the door.

"Harry? Are you sleeping?" It was Hermione's voice. Harry yawned and rubbed his eyes. He grabbed his glasses from the nightstand and the room quickly came back into focus.

"He's sleeping. Let's leave him alone, Hermione and go downstairs for a butterbeer," said Ron, in a hushed voice.

"It's fine. Come on in guys," Harry said. The door swung open and Hermione stepped inside with Ron following cautiously behind her.

"Sorry mate…were you sleeping? I tried telling her that we should leave," Ron said, apologetically.

"How are you Harry? You looked exhausted." Harry could hear the worry in Hermione's voice, but at that moment he didn't feel like talking about it.

"Drop it," he replied in a much harsher tone than intended. "I'm glad you came to get me, I'm starving!" he added more cheerfully. This seemed to help as Harry noticed a look of relief fall across Ron's face.

"Of course!" Ron boosted. "I'm always ready for food!"

"And also to make a fool of yourself in front of Madame Rosmerta, I'm sure," Hermione adjoined with a frown.

"Oh, you know I only have eyes for you," Ron replied, winking at Harry who rolled his eyes in return.

"You two make me sick," he said as they left the room and closed the door behind them.

Harry looked around the Three Broomsticks and saw so many familiar, happy faces. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Neville look up and smile at him. Harry couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of mashed potatoes and gravy dripping down Neville's chin and onto his shirt. He noticed, also, all the female admirers sitting around Neville and doting on him. Neville had proven great bravery during the war and it seemed to have given him quite the reputation among the females of the wizarding world.

Ron, Hermione and Harry found a booth and ordered their food. As hungry as they were, they thought the amount of food ordered was quite reasonable. However, they noticed very quickly that their appetites were easier to satiate than they had originally thought. Hermione frowned a bit at Ron when he reached for his fifth chicken leg.

"What?" Ron asked with his mouth full. "I'm a growing boy – I need my food."

"Growing indeed," Hermione grumbled, eyeing Ron's slightly protruding stomach.

"Hey, you love all of my growing body," Ron joked as he leaned over and gave her a kiss on the nose.

"Oh, Ron, that's revolting! Now I have chicken on my nose!" Hermione cried, attempting to rub the grease off of the tip of her nose. However, her giggles and warm voice didn't seem to convince anyone that she was actually cross with him. "Shall I go and get us more butterbeer?" she offered after a few moments had passed.

"Yes!" Harry said enthusiastically as he knocked Ron's mug with his. Hermione slid groggily out of the seat and walked over to the bar. When she came back she was carrying six mugs.

"Getting a bit carried away, aren't we?" Harry asked, raising his eyebrow as she shuffled back into the seat next to Ron.

"Oh, I brought company," she answered. As if on cue, Neville flopped down into the seat next to Harry as Seamus and Lee Jordan grabbed two more chairs and placed themselves at the end of the table. After each member of the group had grabbed a mug of butterbeer, Seamus raised his. After some reminiscent conversation silence fell over the group. Lee Jordan was the first to speak.

"Too bad Dean isn't here to celebrate with us," he said quietly, his eyes not shifting from the table. Dean Thomas had fought courageously. However, courage wasn't enough to beat Antonin Dolohov, the same man who had severely injured Hermione fifth year in the Battle of the Department of Mysteries, got his kill when he used the infamous Avada Kedavra against Dean. Lavender Brown attempted to come to his rescue, but was too late. She attacked him with a body-bind curse and Dolohov was carted away to Azkaban. At the end of the war, he received the Dementor's Kiss along with anyone else who was captured by Dumbledore's Army and the Order.

Seamus raised his glass of butterbeer. "To Dean," he said solemnly.

"To Dean," everyone else chanted in unison before taking a drink.

An hour later, Hermione looked at her watch. "Well boys," she said. "It's half past eleven and I think I will go to bed." She gave Ron a kiss on the cheek. "You boys be good now," she joked before heading up the stairs. The boys grinned, wished her a good night, and watched her walk away.

"Damn!" Seamus barked after Hermione was well out of ear-shot. "She has become such a babe!"

"Watch it," Ron warned with a smirk.

"Wish I'd known back in sixth year that she'd turn out looking like that. I always thought Hermione was all about books," Seamus chuckled. Harry had to admit that he also noticed a change in Hermione during the past eighteen months. His mind had also wandered there a few times. He wondered what it would have been like if he had asked her out before Ron finally did.

"As if she'd ever go with some Irish git," Ron laughed.

"Well you look more Irish than Seamus with that red hair," Neville defended. Harry laughed. He found it amusing when a cheeky comment originated from Neville because it always came in an apologetically cautious tone.

"You're right, though, Seamus," Ron agreed. "She's gorgeous."

Seamus grinned. "So how far have you two…." He stopped in mid-sentence, noticing the annoyed look on Harry's face. "Sorry," he apologized unabashedly. "So, how about you and Ginny, Harry? Have you two gotten anywhere?"

"Hey that's my sister you're talking about!" Ron pointed out, his ears beginning to turn red. Harry shrugged. He knew that it was just the butterbeer talking. They usually never had a talk like this, but he also felt the alcohol warming his blood.

"So, how far _did_ you and Hermione go?" Harry asked before he could stop himself.

He had a feeling that Ron and Hermione had gone further than he and Ginny; nothing had really happened between him and Ginny. It was not that he didn't want to but she had made it very clear from the start that she wanted to take it slow. Harry respected her decision but he couldn't deny the simple fact that he was eighteen now and he was curious.

"How can you ask that?" Ron seemed shocked. "Hermione is like a sister to you."

"Not really," Harry said. "A friend, maybe, but not a sister."

"I just wanted to know if she's learned anything important from all those books," Lee teased.

"Get off it," Ron laughed. "Why don't you tell us about you and Angelina?" he added with a raised eyebrow.

"There's nothing to tell," Lee answered gloomily.

"Whatcha mean?" Harry heard Ron slur his words.

"We broke up four months ago. I don't know. While we were together I always had the feeling that she really wanted to be with Fred. I'm mean, he's my best friend and everything... but it sucks when your girl wants another guy. It's my fault really."

"Whatcha mean your fault?" Ron slurred.

"I shouldn't have pursued her at all. I always fell in second when Fred was with us. And I knew that Fred liked her as well. I just figured that since he didn't do anything, I might as well."

"Are they together?" Harry asked as he glanced at Ron.

"I sure dunno." Ron shrugged.

"Yeah, they are. Fred isn't telling anyone because he's afraid people will think he stole Angelina from me. Of course, he really didn't. We were over months before he finally got the courage to ask her out."

"Your best friend…" Ron whispered.

"Well, I'm a little bummed out now. I'm going to go to bed," Lee said looking at his hands. The rest of the group agreed and they all stood and headed to their respective rooms. After everyone had separated to their floors or corridors, Ron and Harry were the only two left.

"So…things are going well with you and Hermione then?" Harry asked smoothly.

"It's brilliant mate. She's great." Ron smiled at Harry.

"So did you..?" Harry asked. He would never have asked had he been sober, and Ron would never have answered. However…

"Yes," Ron answered, blushing. "But don't tell anyone. Hermione would never forgive me if she ever found that anyone knew."

When they approached Ron's door, he reached over and hugged Harry. "Things are great now, aren't they? Hermione and I, you and Ginny. The war is over. Right?"

"Right," Harry agreed quietly. Harry had the room next to Ron and Hermione's. They wished each other good night and went to their separate rooms. Harry closed the door and sat down on the bed.

So Ron and Hermione had been together. For some reason, it really bothered him, perhaps he was just jealous because he hadn't been with Ginny, but he just couldn't believe Hermione would. Was Ron with her right now? He tried to listen, but all he heard was silence. He thought about what Seamus had said about noticing Hermione earlier and realized that he had been right.

She had become such an amazing woman. She had been so brave during the war and, along the way, had developed mentally, emotionally, and physically. Ron was lucky. Harry had to remind himself that he was with Ginny, the girl that everyone had always thought was beautiful with her long red hair. Harry suddenly thought about Hermione's bushy brown hair. He could see her when he closed his eyes. He thought about the tight black pants she had worn today and when Ron had kissed her nose. His heart started to race. What was he doing? He closed his eyes again and saw Hermione's smiling face. She was wearing the beautiful dress she had worn at the Yule ball. She looked at him, and the dress started to slip off of her shoulder.

Harry leaped out of bed, walked over to the sink, and splashed water on his face. He wasn't attracted to Hermione. He was drunk and lonely. That was it. _Fall asleep you stupid git,_ he thought to himself as he lay down on the bed. When he closed his eyes he saw Ron and Hermione kissing and slipping her dress off of her shoulder.

"Damn it!" he yelled and stood up again. He opened the door and walked out into the hall. He slumped against the wall and sat on the floor. He looked at the door to Hermione and Ron's room, wishing it to open. And then, as if someone had read his mind, the door opened and Hermione stepped out of the room. She was wearing shorts and a small top and had a worried look on her face.

"Harry, what's wrong?" she asked in a concerned voice.

"Wrong?" he questioned nervously.

"I heard you slam the door. Mind you, it was hard to hear over Ron's snoring." She smiled sweetly.

Harry didn't answer her and she sat down next to him, very close. So close that Harry could smell the faint scent of butterbeer on her breath and that sweet vanilla scent she always wore.

"What's on your mind?" she asked. "Why can't you sleep?"

"I just have a lot on my mind, you know." he paused. "Hermione, have you noticed how fast things have changed?"

"I'm not sure I know what you mean," she admitted as she looked into his green eyes.

"Me neither." Another pause. "Do you think that someone can develop strong feelings for someone, and no matter how much they want it to go away, it doesn't?"

"I'm sorry, I'm not following at all." Hermione looked at him with that adorable look she always gave him when she was sincerely lost. She put her arm around his shoulders and he rested his head against her bare shoulder. His body tingled and he felt himself longing to kiss her skin.

"I've become a horrible person," he said quietly.

"Rubbish, Harry. You're the sweetest, most caring person I know," she said, stroking his hair. "What's really bothering you, Harry? Is it the war? Sirius? Your parents? Harry, there's nothing you can do about any of it. We won. You've avenged them and everyone else the Death Eaters harmed."

Harry shook his head. "It's not that. I've just had a bad day, I guess."

"Well, Ginny is coming soon. That'll be nice, won't it?" Harry looked at her and nodded, but all he wanted to do was lean over and kiss her.

"You're right. Everything will get back to normal."

"Of course it will." Harry smiled at her, but as he closed his eyes and felt her soft hand stroking his head, he knew she was wrong. Nothing would ever be the same again.


	2. 9 Crimes

Chapter Two

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Nine Crimes

-

_Leave me out with the waste _

_This is not what I do _

_It's the wrong kind of place _

_To be thinking of you _

_It's the wrong time _

_For somebody new _

_It's a small crime _

_And I've got no excuse _

_Is that alright? _

_Give my gun away when it's loaded _

_Is that alright? _

_If you don't shoot it _

_How am I supposed to hold it? _

_Is that alright? _

_Give my gun away when it's loaded _

_Is that alright _

_Is that alright with you? _

_Leave me out with the waste _

_This is not what I do _

_It's the wrong kind of place _

_To be cheating on you _

_It's the wrong time _

_But she's pulling me through _

_It's a small crime _

_And I've got no excuse_

"_9 Crimes" - Damien Rice _

-

Harry stared down at his scrambled eggs. He had no appetite, all he could think about was what had happened the night before. He knew that these feelings had not come out of the blue, he had thought about Hermione a few times before, but now it was different. Now he felt a mad jealousy inside of him and he no longer recognized himself. He jammed his fork into a sausage angrily.

"Hey, what did that poor sausage ever do to you?" Harry looked up and saw Ron approaching hand in hand with Hermione.

"I'm not that hungry," Harry said. Hermione sat down next to Harry and leaned over him to reach for the sugar. Harry took a deep breath and smelled her again. When Hermione realized her arm was too short to reach the sugar, she placed her hand on Harry's leg to lean over farther. Harry looked nervously at Ron who didn't seem to notice anything. Only Harry knew what was happening inside of him. Hermione finally grabbed the sugar, leaned back and gave Harry a smile.

"So Ginny is coming over today, right?" she asked. Before Harry could answer, Ron spoke up.

"No, she's not," he said with his mouth full of toast. "Mum sent an owl. She wants us to come home for a few days."

"Why?" Hermione asked with a concerned voice. "We're going to spend Christmas there. Do you think something happened?"

"Don't know," Ron answered, shrugging. But she wants us to come home today." He started buttering a new piece of toast.

Hermione looked worried now. "When did you get this owl? I didn't see anything."

"It arrived while you were in the bath." Ron leaned over and took her hand. "Don't worry, sweetie. I am sure it's nothing bad." Harry glared at Ron's and Hermione's hands while his mind quickly wandered to Hermione in the bath and back to the current subject.

"She didn't say anything about Hermione or me?" he asked.

"No, she just said that Ginny and I would be able to join you back in Hogsmeade in a couple days, and then all of us would spend Christmas at the Burrow. So it'll be just the two of you for a few days." Ron looked at Harry. "Be sure to look out for my girl." Harry glanced at Hermione.

"I think she can take care of herself," he said, and he smiled at her.

An hour and a half later, Harry and Hermione were waving Ron off as he was about to step into the fire at the Three Broomsticks. Hermione wrapped her arms around Ron's neck.

"I'll miss you," Ron whispered.

Hermione smiled, and whispered back, "I know," then kissed him deeply. Harry looked away and Ron stepped into the fire. He gave them both a grin and said, "See you soon. The Burrow!" and he was gone. Hermione turned to Harry.

"So, I guess it's just the two of us now," she said.

"Yup," he said, trying to sound casual. "What now?" Hermione smiled and handed him his coat.

First, they went to Zonko's joke shop and looked around, but Harry couldn't concentrate on anything. He felt like he was misbehaving by just being there with Hermione…it was as if everyone knew what he was thinking. Hermione put her hand on his arm. "See anything?" she asked.

"Just looking," he said, and pulled his arm away. "How about going to Honeydukes?"

She nodded at him.

Harry quickly walked out of the shop and started towards Honeydukes. Hermione stopped and watched him.

_What is with him?_ she thought. _I hope he's not mad at me…._

Harry didn't even seem to notice that Hermione had been left behind. When he entered Honeydukes, still not turning to look at her, she sighed and shook her head and walked back to the Three Broomsticks. She'd much rather read a book than be ignored! She headed up to her room, lit the fireplace with her wand, and pulled out her copy of "Why I Didn't Die When the Augurey Cried" by Gulliver Pokeby. It wasn't long before there was a knock on her door and, of course, she knew it was Harry. He opened the door and walked in before she told him to enter.

"Did you ditch me?" he asked jokingly.

"I believe it was the other way around," Hermione replied coldly. "Honestly Harry, I don't know what your problem is. Did I do something wrong? You've been acting so strange all day!"

Harry paused a second before quickly answering, "I'm just thinking about Ron and Ginny."

"Don't worry about them. I'm sure everything is O.K.," Hermione said trying to ease his mind. He knew that she thought he was worried about what was happening at the Burrow, but he was thinking about them for a completely different reason. But sure, he could forget about them.

"Are you hungry?" he asked her.

"How about if you give me a few minutes to get ready, and then I'll meet you downstairs." It was more a suggestion than a question.

Harry nodded. "But could we go somewhere else tonight? I don't feel like being around other people at the moment," he said.

"What about me?" she asked, half joking.

"Well, of course I want to be with you." He gave her a warm smile and Hermione's cheeks turned a bright shade of pink.

"We could go to the Hog's Head then."

Harry nodded at her. "I'll pick you up in an hour?"

"It's a date," she said with a light smile and Harry nodded and left the room. Hermione opened her trunk and looked down at what she had brought. She really enjoyed shopping these days now that she had a new, more womanly body. And she knew Ron sure appreciated her new style. During the war there had been no thoughts about outer appearance, but now things were different. She pulled out a pair of dark grey flared pants and a thin dark red tight top. She put the outfit on and wondered if Harry would like it. _Not that it matters_, she thought. She did her best at straightening her hair and make-up and was finished earlier than she thought. She took one last look before going next door and knocking on Harry's door. When he answered, he was wearing only his trousers. Hermione gasped silently as she looked at his naked torso and toned muscles. It certainly wasn't the first time she'd seen a man's chest, but there was just something about Harry's.

"Wow," she said before she could stop herself.

"Sorry?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. He was obviously amused.

"Quidditch and war sure had an impact. You've changed a bit."

"Yeah, look who's talking," Harry joked. Hermione's cheeks went red at his obvious gesture towards her breasts. She shook it off as he pulled on a black shirt and pressed down a smile as she noticed that he had desperately tried to get his hair to lay flat with the help of water.

"Maybe you know a spell that'll fix it for tonight?" he asked, noticing that she was looking at his hair.

"What? No way, Harry. I love your hair the way it is." He blushed, obviously pleased with her answer.

When they entered the Hog's Head, Harry was delighted to see that it was half empty, and he didn't recognize a single person. He led Hermione to a table in the back and they sat down.

"Fancy a firewhiskey with your first butterbeer?" Harry asked.

"Well…I guess I could try one," Hermione said, a little unsure.

Harry returned with the four glasses. "Together on the count of three. One…two…three." They swept down the firewhiskey.

"Wow, so it's going to be one of _those_ nights, huh?" Hermione asked, and wiped a bit of firewhiskey from her lip.

"What do you mean? I'm in a great mood; I just want to have some fun. Don't you want to have fun?"

"Sure….I guess," Hermione said with hesitation.

"Good." Harry leaned over the table and softly drew his fingertip against her bottom lip. "You missed some."

"Oh." Hermione put her own hand where Harry's had just been. Harry gave her a weak smile. _This is weird_, Hermione thought. It was almost as though Harry was flirting with her. She sipped her butterbeer and looked around, wondering if people were looking at them…if they thought she was Harry Potter's new girlfriend. She hoped they knew he was just her friend. She hoped they didn't think he was cheating on Ginny. _Oh stop it_, she thought, _no one's looking. No one cares_. She looked back and saw that Harry was looking at her. "You are acting really strange tonight," she said and laughed a little. She could allready feel the effects of the firewhiskey. Harry changed the subject and started talking about old memories, things that were sure to get them both in a good mood. They talked about freeing Buckbeak, about Peeves, about different pranks that Fred and George had pulled. After their second butterbeer, Hermione volunteered to get them more drinks. She returned with a butterbeer and a firewhiskey.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" Harry asked jokingly.

"You wish," she laughed. Hermione couldn't believe that she was flirting with Harry. But he was flirting with her! _Of course he's not flirting, _she thought. She was being stupid.

After the third firewhiskey, Harry gestured for her to sit beside him. "Why?" Hermione asked hesitantly.

"I can't hear you on the other side of the table, everyone is so loud." Hermione moved her chair next to Harry's. "So I was thinking about moving into Number Twelve Grimmauld place."

"Oh Harry, that's great! And that's close to the ministry!"

"Well, I don't know if I want to work there yet."

"You would be a wonderful Auror, Harry," Hermione put her hand on his arm. "Don't doubt yourself. I mean, it would be wonderful if you were at the ministry - we'd be working at the same place. It would be so much fun!" Harry couldn't help smiling at her enthusiasm

"Maybe you could move in with me. We could split the expenses," Harry suggested.

"And Ron…." Hermione trailed off. They both went quiet and looked down at the table. Hermione looked over at the bar at a man ordering another firewhiskey. Harry, on the other hand, was looking at Hermione. He noticed her neckline, how soft and beautiful it looked.

"So, tell me something new, something exciting?" Hermione said playfully, looking back at Harry.

"I'm thinking about breaking up with Ginny," Harry said matter-of-factly.

"What..? Why would you tell me something like that?" Harry felt his courage run away. Maybe he was imagining all of it.

"I don't think I'm in love with her." He tried to read her face, but she only looked shocked.

"Maybe you are just going through a tough spot," Hermione tried.

"I am not sure I ever did love her, actually." Harry wasn't just saying these things; he really spoke from his heart. He looked up and saw Hermione's concerned face; she really cared for him. He wondered if he should tell her the whole truth,

"We should go back to the Three Broomsticks," he said and stood up. He was kind of light-headed and Hermione reached out for his arm. Harry grabbed her hand and, without objecting, Hermione followed him. They walked up the street with their fingers intertwined. _He's just drunk, I'm supporting him,_ Hermione thought. Before she knew it they were standing outside her door. She leaned against the door and Harry looked at her, expressionless.

"What's going on, Harry?" she demanded.

"May I come inside?" Hermione opened the door without answering. She sat down on the bed, and Harry sat down next to her. "I need to ask you something.…" Hermione started fidgeting with her hair. She didn't really know what was about to happen, but she was nervous. Harry cleared his throat and continued. "Basically I have been having feelings…."

"Oh?" He took Hermione's hand in his and started stroking it with his other hand.

"Harry, what…." but he interrupted her.

"I am trying to do as you said - pretend Ginny and Ron aren't here. As if they weren't in this room standing in between us. It's you, Hermione."

"What do you mean it's me?"

"I can't stop thinking about you. Hermione, I think I'm in love with you."


	3. Trouble

Chapter 3

-

Trouble

_Oh no, I see  
A spider's web is tangled up with me  
And I lost my head  
And thought of all the stupid things I've said_

Oh no, what's this?  
A spider's web and I'm caught in the middle  
So I turn to run  
And thought of all the stupid things I've done

And oh, I never meant to cause you trouble  
Oh, I never meant to do you wrong  
And oh, well if I ever caused you trouble  
Oh, no I never meant to do you harm  


_(Trouble by__ Coldplay)_

Hermione became quiet; she knew Harry had been drinking, as had she. But he had definitely not drunk enough for this to be only alcohol talking.

"I don't know what to do about it," Harry spoke in a weak voice.

"Look, Harry, we all have crushes for our friends sometimes."

"Did you ever have a crush on me?" Harry quickly asked.

"Oh, I don't know…" she answered nervously. Harry stood up quickly. "Oh stop it," she said. "You must have known I did."

He spun around so fast that he hardly could keep his balance. "If you did, why the hell didn't you do anything about it?"

"Harry you're crazy, you never wanted me, you still don't. This is just because things aren't going great with Ginny. I mean you didn't want her for years, and she was mad about you... maybe this is just what you do. You want girls you can't have, like when she was with Dean…."

Harry held up his hand to silence her. "When, Hermione?" 

"When I had a crush on you? Well I don't know, I guess I kind of always did a bit. But you never seemed to care at all about me in that way. It was always Ron who got jealous about other boys."

"I was an idiot," Harry said resigned. He sat back down on the bed. "When did the crush end then?"

"These questions are just crazy, I think you should go to your room now, and you'd do well in remembering that I am Ron's girlfriend," she said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah believe me, I haven't forgotten." He walked over to the door and had left before she could say a single word.

Hermione's heart was pounding so hard, it felt like it would break her chest. _If_ _Harry had said this a year ago, two years ago, three years ago, everything would have been different. _But she was with Ron now. Ron was so good to her, she had so much fun with him. She had such strong feelings for him, she thought. Why was Harry doing this? Was he going through some kind of crisis? Was he just feeling left out from the trio's old friendship.

What was happening?

Hermione walked over to the old mirror hanging on the wall. Her reflection looked pale. Why? Why now? And why was she so upset over it? Why did she care like this? She felt like cursing herself for feeling this much for Harry still. She really thought these feelings had completely died. She was so used to seeing Harry with Ginny, and she really did have feelings for Ron. How could Harry do this to her, to Ron? Who did he think he was?

Harry was pacing back and forth in his room. He wondered what was happening in the next room. His mind was racing.

What had he done? It was just yesterday that he had finally realized his feelings for Hermione, and now he had just blurted it all out. But he knew that he had felt like this for a long time. He just couldn't believe that she had had feelings for him, at least once. Why hadn't he noticed? Why had she given him advice about Cho Chang, and why had she been so happy for him and Ginny when they got together? But other memories flashed before him as well, times when Hermione had hugged Harry harder then Ron, kissed Harry goodbye without doing the same to Ron. She had always been so concerned about him, so caring, maybe that was her way of showing it. Before Harry could think another thought there was a loud angry knock on his door.

Holding his breath and hoping for the best, he opened the door. Hermione had a furious look on her face.

"Where do you get off telling me…." She suddenly stopped talking as Harry took a step forward. He was now standing inches from her. He seized her around the waist and pulled her as tight to him as he could. Without another thought he kissed her. He felt fireworks inside. His stomach was bubbling so much he almost thought he'd be sick. Hermione kissed him back with just as much fire as he was kissing her. She had her hand in his hair and she lowered it down his neck. She had no idea how long they kissed for. Harry backed into the room, still holding her and kissing her. He kicked the door closed and backed into the bed. He fell backwards and she tumbled over him. He ran his hand down her back, while the other hand was pushing back her hair so it wouldn't be in her face.

They broke the kiss and looked deep in each other's eyes. Was this happening? Where they going to do this? Harry was sure this was the most intense moment he'd ever felt.

Hermione broke their gaze, and started collecting herself.

"Harry," she said quietly and slid off him. She sat on the bed, kneeling beside him.

"Hermione please, don't go."

"I really have to. This, I don't know what this is, what I just did…we did… it's so wrong Harry."

"But it feels so right, I know you feel it to".

Hermione turned to look at him and Harry saw that her eyes were completely filled with tears. He didn't stop her when she got out of the bed.

She turned around and looked at him. "I just don't know," she whispered sadly and the door closed behind her.

Harry leaned back on the bed. He could smell her scent on the pillow, he couldn't help smiling. Kissing her had been so wonderful, like no kiss he'd ever had in his life.

The next day Hermione was afraid to leave her room. She didn't want to meet Harry; she had no idea what to say to him. She had no idea what she felt for him, or what she felt for Ron.

She tried to lay as still as possible so she could hear something from Harry's room and began sobbing. He didn't understand what he had done. No matter what happened now, it would affect their friendship; nothing would be like it used to be. There was a gentle tap on the door.

"Hermione, can I come in?"

"Yes," she answered.

Harry sat down on the armchair opposite the bed. "You've been crying," he whispered.

She didn't answer and just stared at the floor. Harry felt so bad for her, she looked so small sitting there at the edge of her bed.

"I'm not sorry," he said. She suddenly looked up.

"Well you should be, what do you think Ron is going to say when I tell him what we did?" She cried through the words. Harry's heart ached for her. He quickly walked over to her, put his arm around her shoulder, and pulled her into a hug. She sobbed against his shoulder.

"Why? Why Harry? Everything was going so well."

"I guess I just had to."

She looked up at him, and he saw that her face was covered by tears. "Oh, sweetie."

He put his hands on both her cheeks and he started caressing her face, removing her tears. He leaned forward and started kissing her cheeks. Hermione closed her eyes with pleasure. Harry gently started kissing her neck, and carefully let his tongue make playful circles on her shoulder. She sobbed loudly as he kissed her neck again. How could this feel so right when she knew so well that it was wrong? She broke lose and gave him an intense look. Just as Harry was about to ask her if she wanted him to stop, she reached out for the bottom of his shirt and pulled it over his head. She looked down at his beautiful body - he was so unbelievably sexy. She leaned over and kissed his torso and then straddled him and gave him a deep kiss. Hermione could hear someone walking outside in the hallway, so she reached for her wand and pointed at the muggle radio she always had in her bag. It started playing music as they made love.

_And oh, I never meant to cause you trouble  
Oh, I never meant to do you wrong  
And oh, well if I ever caused you trouble  
Oh, no I never meant to do you harm  
_

Hermione fell asleep in Harry's arm, and she slept wonderfully. She woke up when she felt him stirring.

"Are you leaving?" she asked in a worried voice.

He gave her a soft kiss. "No. I just thought I'd sneak downstairs and get us some food. I never ate breakfast and it's now..." he paused to look at his wristwatch. "...seven in the evening."

Hermione sat up, completely shocked.

"How can it be?"

He smiled affectionately at her. "Well first a few hours were spent, doing... you know. And then we slept for a couple of hours. Why don't you take a nice long bath, and I'll get us some food."

Harry stood up. He was completely naked and Hermione blushed; she wasn't used to seeing Harry this way, even though they had just made love, he was still Harry – naked Harry.

He put on his clothes and left without another word. Hermione went into her bathroom and ran a bath. As she sank down in the bubbles, she closed her eyes.

That afternoon had been wonderful - who knew Harry was such a careful and tender lover. His touch had been so soft and careful. She could feel his hands all over and became excited. She heard Harry entering in the other room; she rinsed off the bubbles and put on her robe. When she got out of the bathroom, she saw that Harry had lit the fire and had put all the food on the floor.

"Oh my, did you bring the whole kitchen?"

"Well I thought those house elves didn't have enough to do," he answered. She frowned at him. "I'm joking!" he exclaimed. She sat down on the floor opposite of him and hungrily reached for some bread. Harry was busy loading mashed potatoes on a plate. He looked at Hermione and felt truly happy.

"What?" she wondered.

"What we just did, it was perfect," he answered with a sweet smile.

She blushed and reached out for some sausages on a plate. He grabbed her outstretched hand and pulled her close for a kiss. While kissing her he opened her robe. He stopped for a second and looked at her body.

"Harry!" she said embarrassed.

"You are perfect!" he said. He gave the robe a light push, and it fell of her shoulders and down to the floor. He pulled her into another kiss.

"Come on." He walked over to the bed.

"You're an animal," she giggled but followed him obediently.

Hermione didn't know how many times they made love that night, but they hardly got any sleep. They just lay in each others arms in front of the fire discussing the future and their dreams. Harry told Hermione of his childhood, things he thought he had forgotten and she listened intently. Hermione amused Harry with some funny muggle stories from her old school, it was nice to talk to someone who actually understood the muggle world. For what felt like an eternity, they just looked at each other, Harry stroking Hermione's cheek, while she lay on his arm.

"I want to freeze this moment forever," Harry whispered softly.

Hermione put her head on his chest and with one of her hands she softly touched the hairs he had below his navel. Harry smelled so wonderful, she thought. He smelled like fresh air, new rain, a hot fire and sunshine. She knew it was silly, but she felt like Harry smelled like home.

The next morning they both woke up by the sound of Hedwig scratching the window with her claw. Harry got out of the bed and opened the window. She flew right at him and he backed away.

"What are you doing?" he said irritated. She flew at him again and he backed right into the plate of mashed potatoes. "Bloody hell, Hedwig," he said annoyed.

"She is trying to tell you something." Hermione sat up and covered herself with a blanket on the floor. Hedwig backed Harry all the way into the door. It dawned on Harry at that second.

"I think I better get back to my room and see what's going on," he exclaimed.

Hermione immediately knew what he was thinking. She reached for her wand and with a quick flick all of the food had vanished.

"Hermione I…" Harry didn't know what to tell her.

"Go now Harry!" she said and pushed him out the door.

She ran over to the window and there they were. Ron, the twins, and Ginny were walking down the street bickering about something. She ran over to the mirror and looked at herself. She was a mess; her hair was bigger and bushier then ever. _Oh Harry, what did you do? _she thought and smiled a little bit.She quickly fixed the room to its usual tidiness, and then she threw herself into the shower. It didn't take long until she heard the bathroom door open.

"Hello, beautiful girl. Guess who?" Ron said.


	4. Hey that's no way to say goodbye

Chapter 4

Hey that's no way to say goodbye

_I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,  
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,  
yes, many loved before us, I know that we are not new,  
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,  
but now it's come to distances and both of us must try,  
your eyes are soft with sorrow,  
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye. _

I'm not looking for another as I wander in my time,  
walk me to the corner, our steps will always rhyme  
you know my love goes with you as your love stays with me,  
it's just the way it changes, like the shoreline and the sea,  
but let's not talk of love or chains and things we can't untie,  
your eyes are soft with sorrow,  
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.

"Hey, That's No Way to Say Goodbye" – Ron Sexsmith (orig. Leonard Cohen)

"Oh…hi, Ron," she yelled from inside the shower. "I'll be right out. Why don't you wait in the bedroom?"

"Or how 'bout I join you?" Ron had already started taking his cloak off.

"I'm almost finished, and I am really starving. Even better, why don't you go downstairs and make sure we have a table, it was really full yesterday. I mean we wouldn't want to stand up when we eat, that is really unhealthy."

"Yeah, yeah," Ron muttered and rolled his eyes. She was rambling again. When she heard him leave the room she quickly stepped out of the shower. She looked down at her body.

Was it possible to tell? Was the word "tramp" written on her body? Or did the word "cheater" read across her forehead? What would she do? How would she handle this? She hadn't even discussed this with Harry. He had said that he loved her, hadn't he? But what did that mean? Did it mean that he wanted to marry her tomorrow, date her, or was it just a one night thing?

She started rubbing her hands together. _Get dressed_, she ordered herself. She put on a nice black skirt and a matching top. She looked around for a muggle hairclip, she was sure she had brought one. She was in such a hurry and she didn't have time for this now. She shoved her wand into the bundle of hair in the back, it would have to do. She walked downstairs and when she saw Harry sitting next to Ginny on one of the benches she had to hold on to the rail so she wouldn't stumble and fall the last steps. He looked at her with an intense look and she decided not to meet his eyes, but she could feel them burning her.

"There she is, my beautiful girl!" Ron reached out for her. She felt the whole table looking up at her and she forced a smile.

"Hi guys," she said weakly.

"Come here," Ron said and pulled her down so she was sitting on his lap.

Ginny reached over and gave her a big hug, and over her shoulder she met Harry's gaze. They were looking right into each other's eyes and it felt like he was speaking to her. Like he understood all she was feeling, it was hurting him as well. But she was scared by something else she saw, there was jealousy in his eyes. He glared at Ron's hand, which was placed on Hermione's hip. Hermione reached over and gave the twins a hug as well. Ron grabbed her face and gave her a big kiss. She slid of his lap and grabbed her own chair and sat down next to him.

"So, what was the big meeting about?" Hermione asked the Weasleys.

"Oh, silly Fleur," Ginny laughed. Ginny was quite fond of Fleur nowadays, but she still liked to make a little bit of fun of her.

"She wanted everyone there to make the big announcement," Fred continued and rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, she was quite disappointed you lot weren't there," George filled in.

"Bill knocked her up," Ron said.

"Mum is naturally ecstatic over the news. She has waited for so long to be a grandmother, she is hoping you and Ron will be next," Ginny continued. Hermione could hardly swallow her pumpkin juice, but she was relieved when she heard Ron's response.

"She's mental! We are so young; we haven't even started working yet. Sorry Hermione but babies will have to wait many, many years."

"Sound good to me," she said faintly.

She looked over at Harry and Ginny and felt a bit nauseas when she saw Ginny lean over and kiss Harry's neck. Harry must have noticed her gaze because he pulled away from Ginny and said, "It tickles too much, don't."

"How much did you miss me?" Ron whispered to Hermione.

"You were gone two nights Ron," she smiled at him. She grabbed some toast and started chewing on the dry piece of bread. Harry glared at Hermione and Ron, he had to force himself to change the subject.

"Fred, we heard about you and Angelina," Harry said. Fred looked a little uncomfortable so George answered in his place.

"Lee will be all right," he answered.

"He must hate me, I understand him. I mean to do that to a friend is terrible. I just… had to," Fred said desperately.

"They weren't together anymore, right? So you didn't do anything wrong!" Harry exclaimed, this was all hitting a little too close to home.

"Let's just not talk about it," Fred muttered.

"But you have Angelina, at least," George patted his brothers shoulder and Fred nodded. Hermione looked at Harry's right hand, its fingers intertwined with Ginny's. She felt like throwing up all over the table. Ron looked inquisitively at her.

"You look like I used to do before a Quidditch match," he declared.

"I just have a bit of a stomach-ache; I think I have to lie down for a while. Do you mind?" she looked at Ron. He shook his head with a concerned look and Hermione walked away as quickly as she could, without looking at anyone else.

Ron finished her toast and orange juice and then joked, "I wonder if that was code for 'follow me upstairs and get naked,'" he smiled.

The others laughed and shook their heads at him; Ginny even threw a piece of egg on him. But Harry didn't think it was funny. He felt madly jealous, he didn't want Ron to talk like that about Hermione. She was Harry's Hermione. He was the only one who could be naked with her. Something suddenly occurred to Harry; Ron would want to be with Hermione soon. He'd want to kiss her, hold her, touch her and… and he'd want to make love to her. Harry couldn't let that happen, he wouldn't allow it. The thought made him shake with anger.

"Are you OK, Harry?" Ginny asked.

"We should leave Hermione alone, she felt a little sick last night as well. I think she just needs some rest. We should go over to Zonko's; they have some pretty cool stuff. Sorry…" he apologized to Fred and George.

"We don't mind checking out the competition. Zonko's kept open during the war, we felt that it was more important to fight then make money," George assured.

"And we are glad for it," Harry stated.

The gang kept busy all day in Hogsmeade; they met so many people they knew including old Hogwarts professors. Harry was so busy thinking about ways to keep Ron busy so he wouldn't be alone with Hermione that he forgot all about himself. Before he knew it Ginny had somehow made her brothers remember errands they had to run and the couple were alone.

She threw her arms around him.

He looked at her cute face. _She sure is pretty, _he thoughtWhy had he never loved her the way he loved Hermione? It would have been so much easier.

"I have missed you so much. I haven't seen you since killed You-know-who. "

"It's just been two weeks," he answered distractedly. She looked hurt by his words, but started carefully playing with his right earlobe.

"I think I know what you want to do," she smiled and continued before he could answer. "Go up to our room and snog for a few hours."

"Our room?" he said and realized that, of course would they be sharing a room. And Ron would share with Hermione, sleeping in her bed, smelling her hair… He couldn't think straight anymore. What had happened to him? He felt like he had been cursed"Sounds nice," he continued. "But you know what? Neville was looking for you yesterday."

"He was?" she sounded surprised.

"Sure, he wanted to talk to you. I don't know what about, maybe about Luna."

"What are you talking about, what do you mean about Luna?" she looked irritated.

"She's coming, and I think he wanted to ask something about that." It wasn't a complete lie. Neville had asked Harry if Ginny knew when Luna would come to Hogsmeade.

"He can wait," she gave him a mischievous smile.

"No _I_ can wait. Why don't you find him, and we'll meet in our room later?" She reluctantly agreed and walked away. Harry walked fast towards the Three Broomsticks . He had to talk to Hermione, now. He ran up the stairs and knocked on the door. Hermione opened and before he could open his mouth he saw Ron lying on the bed. He was fully dressed and looked like he had just gotten there.

"Hi mate," he called out to Harry.

"Am I disturbing anything?" Harry asked trying to read Hermione's face.

"No, I was just going to check if any owls have arrived downstairs," she answered quietly.

"I'll join you," Harry said and quickly closed the door behind her.

They were finally alone, even though a thin door was the only thing separating them from Ron. And all Harry wanted to do was kiss her.

"Hi there," he smiled at her.

"Sshh..." She put a finger over his mouth and looked around. She saw a broom cupboard and pulled him inside by the hand. The second the door closed behind them Harry kissed her with such a force that she almost fell over. She couldn't help but kiss him back, running her fingers through his hair. Harry pushed her up against the wall and started kissing her neck.

"Oh Merlin, the taste of you…" he mumbled. He had both his hands on the outside of her thighs. He slowly raised them so the skirt followed him, soon she had it over her hips.

"Oh please, Harry, stop," she begged. He kissed her again and started to pull her underwear down her hips.

"No!" she suddenly said and pushed him away with force. He looked surprised at her.

"Hermione, what…?"

"What are you doing, Harry? Ron is just in the next door. Anyone could find us! This is just completely insane. And what do you take me for, someone who'll just have sex in the broom cupboard and the go back and have sex with Ron?!"

"Did you, did you..." Harry couldn't get the words out. Suddenly he felt ill.

"No we didn't do anything; of course I couldn't do that."

"So leave him. Leave him now. I'll leave Ginny, we can just go and be together."

"Harry what are you talking about?" Tears started running down her face. "Do you want to do that to Ron?"

Harry took her hand and put it on his chest. "All I know is that I am in love with you Hermione."

She sobbed loudly. "No," she whispered. "I love Ron!"

"No you don't," Harry muttered defiantly.

"Yes I do, and so do you. He is your best friend, and you would do nothing to hurt him. I know that. He would never forgive us."

"So what are you saying? Are you going to be with him, after all this?" Harry's words seemed to not want to leave his mouth.

"I can't leave him now. Don't you see? He would be devastated. He doesn't know the change that has happened. As far as he knows, everything is as it was. What we did, it was… a mistake. It wasn't right. We should never tell anyone about it."

"I can't believe you are saying this to me." Harry shook his head. "You disgust me right now, do you know that Hermione?" He turned to walk and she desperately grabbed his arm.

"Please, Harry." She was crying so hard that she could hardly speak. "You can't hate me. I am just trying to do the right thing. This isn't like breaking up with Cho Chang, it's Ron. And for heaven's sake, it's Ginny. They would hate us forever, we would never be allowed to set foot in the Burrow again. I just don't want to be this person… this person who breaks people's hearts, who cheats and lies."

"But you are," Harry spat at her. Hermione looked down at her feet. Her shoulders were shaking violently. Harry wrapped his arms around her. "I don't want to hurt Ron," he said quietly. "I just never thought it would be his heart or mine. But I guess you are right." He kissed the top of her head and let go of her. As soon as he was gone Hermione sat down on the floor and cried even harder. Where would she go from here? Her heart hurt so much that she didn't know whether or not she would be able to get up and walk out of the cupboard.

It took her over an hour until she finally was sure she wouldn't start crying. She went to her room and to her relief Ron had left. She fell asleep quickly and didn't wake up until Ron was gently stroking her face. "You feel a bit hot Hermione, do you have a fever?"

"Oh, Ron" she whimpered and pulled him down towards her. She hugged him as hard as she could. How could she have betrayed him? He was so sweet, anyone would be lucky to have him. He loved her so much, she thought. She smelled his hair, and it smelled the way Ron always did. It was a scent of chocolate frogs and cinnamon. She cursed herself as she thought of the way Harry smelled. Why couldn't she just enjoy her relationship with Ron?

"Maybe you should stay up here tonight," Ron said with a worried voice.

"Why, what's happening tonight?" He smiled widely.

"The twins are here. It'll be a mad party downstairs. Lots of drinking, remember tomorrow we're back under mums watchful eye."

"Oh right, everyone will be mad drunk then," she stated more to herself then to Ron. "No, I'll come down for a while."

Harry hadn't returned to his and Ginny's room. He had been walking around in the snow. By the time he got back to the Three Broomsticks, he was freezing and the heat in the Three Broomsticks hit him hard in the face.

"Harry!" Ginny squealed. She was sitting with the twins and Seamus at one of the tables. They were deep in conversation, discussing the war and some of the battles they had won. No one liked to talk about the lost battles, or the loss of friends. Harry's heart ached a little when he thought about Dean, Tonks, Alicia Spinnet and both the Patil twins. They had all been so brave, and so many more besides them had lost their lives. He tried to shake the thought from his mind.

Harry walked over to Ginny and gave her a kiss on the mouth.She cared for him, she wouldn't want to be with anyone else but him. Unlike Hermione who had chosen to stay with Ron. _How could I have been so stupid_, Harry thought.He sat down and took a zip of Ginny's butterbeer and it warmed him up a little bit.

"Bet I can drink you under the table!" George challenged Fred.

"Guys, Luna and Neville aren't even here yet and Ron and Hermione are coming down in a minute, let's wait for them," Ginny yelled at them. Harry ignored her and swept her butterbeer.

"Alright Harry. Nice to see you haven't got a broom stuck up your…." the twins started, but Harry cut them off.

"Shut it." He smiled as he said it, though.

Ron joined them a few minutes later, and thirty minutes later Luna and Neville joined them. Harry kept looking at the stairs. Why didn't she come down? Did she think she was too good to join them? He knew Hermione was nothing like that, but it felt better being angry at her than sad.

He saw her feet at the top of the stairs and soon she was in full view. She looked great. She wore black pants and a tight top that gave her quite the cleavage. Fred saw her and said jokingly, "Whoa Ron, you better keep an eye on your girl. Someone might steal her." Hermione wore a silver necklace that was dangling just above her cleavage, she had straightened her hair, and even wore a bit of makeup.

"You sure look nice," Ginny smiled at Hermione.

"Did you do all that for me?" Ron nodded appreciatorily.

Hermione met Harry's eyes. She thought she could see them flash, but with what she wasn't sure. Jealousy, love, hatred? Or maybe a mixture of all three.

"Here, take my seat," Ginny suggested.

"No I..." Hermione couldn't finish. Ginny had pushed her down on the seat before she could continue.

"I have to get more drinks, it's my turn anyway," she assured Hermione.

Hermione sat down next to Harry. She was sure everyone could see the tension between them. Luckily most of them seemed pretty intoxicated by now, and they were busy discussing their DA memories. Harry looked at her. She turned and faced him. Their legs were touching and her leg felt like it was on fire.

"You do look nice," he whispered quietly.

"Harry…" she wanted everyone to disappear around them. _I did it for you, it's all for you. It always has been for you! _She thought. Her arm was lying next to her and Harry let his arm fall down on the sofa they were sitting on. He could see her breath increasing rapidly.

"Calm down," he said quietly. She quickly leaned forward and stole Neville's firewhiskey.

"Thanks," Neville said and grinned at her. "I really don't like those."

She faked a smile and put back her hand and it landed very close to Harry's. She gently moved her pinkie so that it lightly touched Harry's finger. Harry felt pain, excitement, and desire all at once. He casually leaned over and whispered, "You're killing me."

------------

Ok so that's chapter four. Hope you like the story. The more reviews I get, the faster chapter five will be online ;-)

Come on now, we all know how reviews are great motivation!


	5. Hang on to a dream

Chapter 5

Hang on to a dream

_What can I say?  
She's walking away  
From what we've seen  
What can I do  
Still loving you?  
It's all a dream  
How can we hang on to a dream?  
How can it ever be the way it seems ?  
How can we hang on to a dream?_

What can I say?  
She's walking away  
From how it was  
What can I try?  
I still don't see why  
She says what she does  
How can we hang on to a dream?  
How can it ever be the way it seems?

What can I say?  
She's walking away  
From what we've seen  
What can I do  
Still loving you  
It's all a dream  


_Hang on to a dream – Hederos & Hellberg (orig. Tim Hardin)_

They were soon separated again when Ginny returned. Hermione felt as if she was moving in slow-motion, while the rest of the room was moving at great speed. She felt Ron's hand rubbing her knee, she felt Harry's burning gaze, Seamus's loud laugh echoed in her ears, and every time Ginny would kiss Harry the sound of her lips made against his made Hermione's heart ache.

"Are you ready to go upstairs and fool around?" Ron whispered. He put his hand higher up on her thigh and she could smell the strong scent of alcohol on his breath.

"I think you should stay here and have fun with the gang. I am leaving," she answered apologetically.

"What's with you?" Ron muttered gruffly.

"I am so sorry Ronald. I just have a stomach ache."

"Is it, hmm... that time… you know, of the month?" he said awkwardly.

Hermione nodded. This was great, now she at least had an excuse why she would want to be alone, and wouldn't want to get naked with Ron.

Harry watched her as she walked away; he wanted to run after her. He heard the twins discussing Zonko's products and saw his perfect excuse.

"Hey, I'll run up and get my new screaming yo-yo. You have to check it out."

Before anyone could protest he was running up the stairs, two steps at a time. He was out of breath when he reached Hermione's door. He knocked it and it quickly opened. She stood there just looking passionately at him. He walked in and wrapped his arms around her.

"What are we doing?" she whispered.

She looked excited, yet sad at the same time. He buried his face in her hair; it all felt so right when he was close to her.

"I can't stand it. I can't see you with Ron. I just can't…" he mumbled into her hair. He started kissing her neck and she moaned. He continued to speak between kisses: "Please, promise me that you won't make love to him tonight. I can't bare the thought of it."

"I won't. I promise you," she answered. She lifted up his face and looked in to his green eyes and she gently stroked his scar with her thumb. "Oh Harry," she whispered with tears in her eyes. He leaned forward and eagerly kissed her. "You have to go," she continued and he knew she was right. She opened the door for him. He quickly looked out into the hallway and saw that it was empty. He stole one more kiss and then left.

Ron didn't get back until early in the morning. He was in a wonderful mood, but Hermione pretended to be sleeping.

The next morning, Hermione walked around Hogsmeade. She knew it would be hours before the others woke from their alcohol coma. She thought about her options. She loved two men in her life, Ron and Harry. She had actually seen a future with Ron. She had been in love with Harry for so many years, but he had never noticed her that way. She had learned to live with that, and Ron was wonderful. They had a great time. But now Harry had noticed her all of a sudden, like she always wished for in school. But what is it was just temporarily? Maybe he'd fall for Luna next…. _No, that would never happen,_ she thought and had to smile at the idea. Ron was so cute, and nice, and such a gentle lover. He made her laugh and she really trusted him. But Harry… well Harry was Harry. She closed her eyes and saw his beautiful smile, his green eyes, and his black hair. She saw his naked body and was filled with a desire like she had never felt for Ron.

"What the bloody hell am I supposed to do?" she cried out loud. She tried to picture Ron back with Lavender Brown, sure she wouldn't like it that much. But when she pictured Harry with Ginny or any other girl she felt like screaming. She didn't want to hurt either Ron or Harry…was the answer that she would have to hurt them both? She knew that breaking up the two best friends was not an option. She wouldn't be responsible for that! _Well I should have thought about that before I got naked with Harry!_ she thought and angrily kicked the snow.

She couldn't talk to anyone about it, Ginny was the closest female friend that she'd ever had, and she had betrayed her as well. Well so what? Ginny would get to keep Harry, not Hermione. She thought about Harry asking her not to sleep with Ron last night, what about him? Had he slept with Ginny? Hermione finally decided what she needed to do. It wasn't going to be easy, but she needed to do the right thing. The first right thing she had done since this whole mess started.

Later that evening they all sat around the big table in the small kitchen at the Burrow. Hermione looked around, everyone was so happy. Mrs. Weasley was beside herself, so happy to have so many of her children there. Charlie was still in Romania and Percy still hadn't made peace with the family, but the rest were there, and even Lupin had made it. Hermione looked at Harry deep in conversation with Lupin, he was so cute when he concentrated like that. He burst out laughing and it made Hermione's stomach bubble a bit.

Ginny was telling her father how she had beaten both the twins in a flying competition, the twins denied it of course, but when she challenged them to do it again after dinner, they both had excuses; "My broom is broken" and "I'm not supposed to fly twenty-four hours after eating." Mrs. Weasley leaned over to Ron and started removing some sauce from his cheek with her sleeve; she spat at in and rubbed his cheek.

"Mum, get off," he said in a loving tone.

Hermione would not be the one to ruin everyone's Christmas. And she certainly wouldn't be the one to deny Harry of the only family he'd ever known.

After dinner they all sat in the living room in front of the fire. Ron sat in one of the armchairs and Hermione was sitting on the floor between his legs. Every now and then she would throw glances at Harry, but he seemed to be avoiding looking at her as much as possible. He was also sitting on the floor, Ginny lying with her head on his lap.

She tried to enjoy this moment as much as possible, she didn't know if there would be another one ever again.

Bill was lovingly caressing Fleur's stomach while she was going on and on about how she wouldn't get fat during the pregnancy. Arthur was doing a puzzle with the twins and Mrs. Weasley was looking gleefully at Fleur. Everyone was so happy. They hadn't had happy Christmases since before the war, but now they were all celebrating. But Hermione wasn't happy, and she knew someone else who wasn't; she looked at Harry again. He was looking down at Ginny while she was going on about the seventh year at Hogwarts. Hermione knew what she had to do. She had to leave. Not forever of course. But long enough for the wounds to heal, long enough for everyone to forget.

She went back to her parents the day after Christmas and stayed there for one week. Ron and Harry had gone to Grimmauld Place at the same time she had left. They were fixing it up together. She had to go there, she had to tell them. She had accepted a job at the ministry under the condition that she could do her one year introductory year abroad. They had been so happy to employ her that they would have agreed to anything.

She felt as if she was walking to a funeral, when she walked up the street to Grimmauld Place. She was still Ron's girlfriend at the moment, and he would hate her in one hour. She was Harry's friend now, but soon he would know that she was abandoning him and he would think she was a coward. The closer she got, the more her stomach ached. She knocked on the front door and waited, holding her breath. Harry opened the door, and her tears immediately started to burn. Why couldn't she just kiss him and hug him?

"Oh, hi," he said surprised. He stepped aside so she could enter.

"Wow, the house is looking…. Well better at least." She looked around.

"Slowly getting there," he agreed, he leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Ron came down the stairs. He looked delighted to see her. He gave her a hug and picked her up swinging her from side to side. Hermione saw Harry look away.

_Ok that's it,_ she thought, _I needed to do this now._

"Harry I need to talk to Ron, is that ok?" she asked.

He looked up. "Of course, I'll be in the living room." He looked nervous. Maybe he thought she would tell Ron everything. Hermione took Ron by the hand and lead him in to the kitchen.

"Maybe we should have some tea," Hermione said as she saw the kettle on the stove. She walked over and poured tea into two cups. "You want sugar, right Ronald?"

"Ronald? Uh-oh, got to be serious then," he teased. She sat the cup in front of him, and took a seat opposite him. He looked confused.

"I took a job at the ministry," she started.

"Brilliant! I've asked Harry if I can live here with him. The ministry is so close from here, I'm sure he'd let you move in as well. We could live together, couldn't we?"

"They've given me my introductory year abroad…" she said quietly. There, it was said. It was out there.

"What would they do that for? Look Hermione, don't worry about it. We'll ask Harry to talk to them, they can't say no to him now can they," he sounded like he was convincing himself more than her.

"I actually requested it."

Ron kept stirring the spoon. He looked out the window and frowned slightly. "My tea needs milk," he got up and went to the refrigerator.

"Ron, look…"

"No I get it. You're shucking me!" He sat back down and looked stern at her.

"Please…" Hermione couldn't stop the tears welling up.

"Tired of me now that the war is over? Not smart enough? Found someone else? What is it? I just don't get it, to tell you the truth. We were doing so bloody well!" He slammed his fist on the table and it made Hermione jump. She felt so awful.

"No, you're wrong," she whimpered. "Everything feels so overwhelming now that the war is over. You are still the most brilliant man alive Ronald, but I need to sort things out."

"What?"

"I don't really know. I just need to think about my life, where it's headed and what I want out of life."

"Meaning, if you want me," his voice was breaking and she knew he was about to cry. "Why should I stay here and listen to this?"

"Because I am leaving tonight, and if you go, we won't be able to say goodbye."

"Tonight? Are you insane? How could you tell me something like this at the last minute? Is there something wrong with you?" he yelled.

"Ronald, please! I got the job offer and it was now or never."

He shook his head unbelievingly. "Fine, if this is what you want." He looked furious. He turned around and quickly walked for the front door.

"Ron, please don't go!" she ran after him.

He looked around and looked at her, and then with a calm voice he said, "If you want it to be over, then it's over." He slammed the door behind him.

Hermione sat down on the stairs. She cried so hard that she could hardly breathe. She had done it, hurt Ron so badly. _He is better off without me_, she reminded herself.

Harry walked into the hallway. "Did Ron just say that you were over?" he looked shocked at her.

She stood up, prepared for another round in the ring. "Yes."

Harry grabbed her and hugged her hard. "I can't believe it. You did it Hermione! We can be together now. Well not immediately of course, but once Ron is ok." He spun around and Hermione's feet left the ground.

"No Harry," she spoke softly. "I am leaving you both."

A few minutes later she had explained the situation to Harry as well.

"So you'd rather leave the country than handle what happened between us?"

"That's not what this is about." She had tried to explain the situation to him, but he took it even harder than Ron.

"You're a coward. You did something that scares you and now you are running. You're pathetic Hermione."

Hermione swallowed hard. She had to be strong; she had anticipated hard and angry words, more from Ron than Harry, but still. "Look, I am not running away. I am just trying to do the right thing. Would you like to tell Ron that you shagged his girlfriend? Should I just tell him that we screwed our brains out the other night? And, oh yeah, we want to be together now, so sod off. Do you really think that is a good idea? Do you really want to hurt Ron like that?"

"No but…."

"But nothing! That's it. I've thought about this over and over, I can't find another answer. This way you and I can both get over this…this thing between us. You can sort things out with Ginny, and I can…."

"Find your way back to Ron?" Harry spat at her.

She shook her head. "Maybe I can learn to live with myself after all of this." She was still sitting on the stairs and Harry knelt down in front of her.

"What can I say? What can I do to make you stay? Please don't go!" he sobbed with his head in her lap. She gently stroked his hair. Harry couldn't believe she was doing this. He looked up at her, she looked to sad. He understood that there was nothing he could do to stop her, her mind was made up. He raised his head and stood back up again.

"So go then," he said in a voice colder than Hermione had ever heard. She looked surprised at him. "I won't stop you. I guess I'll see you around," he continued. He walked by her up the stairs without turning around. He heard the door close within one minute after that. He sat down on his bed, looked up at the ceiling, and concentrated on his breathing. _One breath in and one out_, he thought. _Damn, there I go! _He felt a tear trickle down his cheek. "Oh Hermione…" he whispered to the empty room. He had a feeling that it would be quite sometime before he'd see her again.


	6. Ain’t No Sunshine

Chapter 6

Ain't No Sunshine

_Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
It's not warm when she's away  
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
She's gone much too long  
Any time she goes away_

_Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
Wonder if she's gone to stay  
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
And this house just ain't no home  
Anytime she goes away_

_I know  
She's gone to stay  
It's breakin' me up  
Anytime she goes away  
Gotta leave the young thing alone  
There ain't no sunshine when she's gone_

_Ain't No Sunshine – Bill Withers_

_-_

_-_

**One and a half years later **

Hermione enjoyed all that she had learned during her many months abroad. She had spent her first year in Australia at the British department, and then she had spent six months with Charlie in Romania. She was afraid to go back home after just one year. She didn't know if Ron or Harry felt the same way, but she certainly wasn't ready. Though the days had been long, and the nights even longer, time hadn't healed any of her wounds and she had to give herself more time. So that's when she asked for an internship with Charlie.

She didn't have much of a life outside of work - she chose to bury herself in it. She regularly corresponded with Ginny and Luna, and Ron began sending her owls after a long time. The last few months he sent almost two every month, but Harry had never sent one. Not for her birthday, not for Christmas, nothing. She wasn't all that surprised; she knew Harry was very angry with her, and that he might never forgive her, but she continued to send him gifts and cards for all holidays, she just couldn't help herself.

She had kept a pretty close eye on them. It wasn't difficult; they were often in the newspapers, even abroad. She also had the Daily Prophet delivered every single day. Ron was now playing Quidditch professionally and Harry had a job at the ministry. Harry and Ginny broke up two months after she left, apparently Ginny had instigated it. She had written to Hermione about how Harry was becoming withdrawn and irritable. Hermione of course did not give any comforting advice to this, but read Ginny's letters like a good friend. Inside she felt like anything but a good friend, she knew that Harry was pulling away from Ginny because of what had happened between him and Hermione. The worst part was that Hermione wasn't sad about it. When she finally received the owl from Ginny telling her about their break up, Hermione had held the letter to her chest and bit her lip, so not to scream out in joy.

Ginny was working with Fred and George at their shop now, and she seemed to love the job. And nowadays you could often see Harry in the newspaper with a new girl on his arm every time. It hurt Hermione to think about those girls, but there was nothing she could do about it. She tried to push it out of her mind. Ron hadn't mentioned a new girlfriend, but Hermione didn't really know, the newspapers didn't write about that in the same way they did about the famous Harry Potter.

Now that the ministry had contacted Hermione about returning to London, she was terrified. She now sat in her bed looking through clippings she had collected during the eighteen months. She picked up one of the interviews with Harry. She looked at the moving image of him; he was brightly smiling and scratching the back of his head. It made Hermione's cheeks a little hot; she loved when he did that.

-

**So Harry, where are you living now?**

_I share a house with my best friend Ron Weasley, you might now him as Ron "The King" Weasley, the Keeper for Chudley Cannons. It's great; he is away a lot so I get the house to myself. It's a house I inherited from Sirius Black, my godfather. You know the one, innocent man, sent to Azkaban…._

Hermione skimmed further down the interview.

**So, what about the ladies? You know, a lot of women want to know if you are single!**

_(Harry laughing) Well there is no one special in my life._

**No, quite a few special we have heard**

(_Laughing again) No comment on that one. I'm just having a bit of fun; I'm not looking for a girlfriend._

_-_

Hermione threw the paper on the floor. That didn't sound like anything Harry would ever say. But then again, she hadn't spoken a word with him in eighteen months. Maybe he was a new person. She sighed loudly and then grabbed a pen and quill.

-

-

_**Dear Ron, **_

_**Guess what? Yours truly is returning to London I feel a bit funny about it, nervous actually. Not sure I am ready for the ministry, it's such a responsibility. I saw that you won your last match, good job!**_

_**Sincerely, **_

_**Hermione**_

**_-_**

**_-_**

She looked around her tent. This humble tent had been her home for six months. She pointed her wand around and her clothes flew into her trunk. Crookshanks jumped into her lap. "Afraid I'll leave you here with the dragons?" She started scratching his stomach and he purred affectionately. "Don't worry, where I go you go," she continued and put him down on the floor. She had to go back to Charlie and the others; they still had work to do. They had just received five eggs of Peruvian Vipertooth, and they were about to hatch. Her co-workers had been very good to her these six months; they had made her feel at home. She would be sad to say goodbye to them, even though she looked forward to being closer to her parents again, and Ron, Ginny, and… Harry.

The next morning Hermione all ready had an answer from Ron

-

_**H.**_

_**Great news. Can't wait to see you again. Writing in a hurry, late for practice. Come straight to Grim Place.**_

_**R.**_

**_-_**

Would she go to Grimmauld place? She would have to meet Harry, could she handle it? _Sure I can_! she told herself. He was obviously over her, so what was the problem? She had hid her feelings for him for years before, she could do it again. She let Ginny know what day she would get back, and Ginny spread the word. The day Hermione was to return she was so nervous. She kept looking in the mirror and when she was on the airplane from Romania she felt a little sick. Her parents had been in Romania twice in the six months, so she would go straight to Grimmauld Place. Her parents wouldn't mind since they had seen her so recently.

She knew her friends would be waiting for her at Grimmauld Place. She might as well dive right in to it. She took a taxi from the airport to the house, but when it stopped in front of the house she couldn't bring herself to get out.

"Miss, are you all right?" The husky man gave her a worried look.

"Hm? Oh, yes." She went back to the trunk and got her bag and her cat box. The door flew open to the house and Ginny came running out.

"Hermione!" she shrieked.

She ran over and threw herself around Hermione. Hermione saw over her shoulder that Ron was leaning against the door post with a smile on his face. He looked great. His hair was longer, and his face was tanned and freckled. Playing Quidditch these years had given him an even stronger physic. She walked up the stairs and gave him a loving hug. She had missed him so much. He hugged just as lovingly back.

"You look awesome," he stated and looked at her.

She had on a light blue long denim skirt and a bright pink tank top. She wore a leather necklace and her hair had gotten longer and highlighted from the sun.

"Hey," said Neville and gave her a light pad on the back.

Hermione was so happy to see him, she pulled him into a hug, which embarrassed him slightly. And then she saw him. Harry was standing in the back of the hallway and he was looking right at her. Hermione's knees became weak and her heart jumped a beat. She was afraid to go up to him but she started to walk towards him anyway. He looked absolutely perfect. Hermione decided he must have been working indoors a lot because he didn't have much of a tan considering the sunny weather Britain had been blessed with that spring. He wore a navy-blue knitted jumper that looked a little too big, but it looked good. He had his hands in the pockets of worn jeans and his hair was the same as always, if not even messier.

_This is it_, she thought, _all or nothing_.

He gave her weak smile and leaned in and lightly kissed her cheek. "Welcome back Hermione," he sounded very formal.

"Harry," she said in a sigh before she could stop herself. Ginny grabbed her hand and led her into the living room. Everyone followed except Harry who went into the kitchen.

"Luna wanted to come, but she had a deadline at The Quibbler," Ginny explained.

"Oh, that's all right," Hermione answered. She felt awkward sitting here with all her old friends.

"You can sleep on our sofa as long as you want, or until you find your own place," Ginny continued. Hermione smiled nervously at her. _Will I be able to do this? Act as if the last eighteen months haven't changed anything? Is everything really the way it was with everyone? Am I the only one who feels weird? _she wondered.

"Tell us about the dragons," Neville nodded excitedly at her.

"Of course, I know all about that," Ginny proclaimed proudly. "I've visited three times."

"Speaking of which, Mitrios sent his best," Hermione winked at Ginny. Her cheeks turned a hot shade of pink and Ron shook his head knowingly.

"My sister, the female Casanova," he muttered. "But, hey Hermione, you don't have to sleep on their sofa. Why don't you stay here with us? We've got loads of extra bedrooms. We could spend sometime together again. I really missed you, you know."

She was horrified at the thought of sharing a house with Harry but she managed a smile. "That's sweet Ron but…." Harry walked out of the kitchen where he had been hiding and into the living room, he also had a rather horrified look on his face. That bothered Hermione a little bit. Why was he still mad at her? Hadn't she kept away long enough?

"No, but listen," Ron continued. "I don't know what happened between you two…." Harry looked quickly looked at Hermione and then at the window. "…but we are all best friends. I know you two had some kind of fight, but that was ages ago. Please Hermione, it would sure mean a lot to me…to us. Right, Harry?" He turned around and looked at Harry who just shrugged.

_Harry hates me. I can see it. How do I answer this? Ron is just trying to be a good friend_, she thought.

"Oh get off it, I know you missed her. I was mad at her for leaving as well, but she's back now. Everything can go back to normal again. And what reason could you have for not wanting to live here, Hermione? We talked about living together ever since sixth year. At least until you find your own place!"

Hermione looked at Harry for help. "I don't know," she hesitated. She couldn't very well tell him her reasons.

"Good, is it settled then?" Ron beamed.

"Yeah, I guess that'd be O.K.," Harry mumbled and went back into the kitchen.

It was evening and Hermione was sitting in her new room by herself. Harry had left the house shortly after she had arrived there. She couldn't bring herself to unpack, she felt like she had to talk to Harry first. She needed to know if he wanted her to leave.

She had left her door slightly open so that she could hear when Harry came home. She heard rumbling in the kitchen and decided to go downstairs and join him. But wasn't Harry, it was Ron making a sandwich. He smiled widely when he saw her.

"I'm glad you're back," he said truthfully. She sat down at the table.

"How about you make me one of those sandwiches as well," she nodded at his sandwich. He grabbed more bread and started buttering it. "Ron, look I've got to ask you something…"

"Don't worry. I'm fine," he turned around and looked at her. "I won't say that I wasn't sad after you left. I really thought we were good together, but I get it. It didn't work for you," he smiled weakly. "I really missed you, first I missed my girlfriend but then I missed my best friend. Hermione, that's what we are, and always will be: best friends!"

"You don't know how happy that makes me," she smiled brightly at him.

"Come here and give me some lovin' then." He opened his arm widely and when seeing her face he added, "Oh, not the old times kind of lovin', I just meant a hug."

She walked over and hugged him tightly. The door slammed, and suddenly Harry was standing at the other side of the room looking at them. "Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt," he said coldly.

"No you didn't mate. Fancy a sandwich?" Ron threw him one.

"Actually yeah, I am famished," he sat down at the table and Hermione went back to her seat and ate her sandwich in silence.

"Ronald?" They heard suddenly Mrs. Weasley's voice from the fireplace.

"Coming mum," he yelled back and headed for the living room.

Hermione immediately turned to Harry. "Look, if you want me to leave, just say the word! I'll go right now. This wasn't my idea at all, it was Ron's."

"Yeah I know, I was there," Harry answered coolly. "I don't mind, I really don't care whether you stay or go."

"Oh. Well in that case I should go right away." She started to stand up when Harry grabbed her arm and pulled her back down. Hermione felt like the skin he had touched was on fire.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that in, as a friend, you are more then welcome to stay. I just meant, that it won't bother me. What happened between us… I got over that long ago."

Hermione swallowed hard. "Good."

The days passed, and soon a couple of weeks, also. Harry was hardly in the house, he worked long hours and in the evenings he was out. Hermione guessed he was with some of his bimbo groupies. Ron was gone days at a time, but they spent a lot of time together when he was back at Grimmauld Place. Hermione felt lonely in the big house, even Kreacher would have made good company there, but to Harry's delight, Kreacher had died in the war. Hermione thought about leaving the house, but she just couldn't, it would show Harry that he still affected her, and she was stronger than that!

She began her work at the ministry. She worked for the Beast, Being, and Spirit Divisions. She hardly ever saw Harry, being an Auror he was on the second floor, while she was on the forth, and if he passed her in the hallway he just nodded curtly at her. Sometimes she broke down crying in her office; she felt lonelier then she had ever felt abroad.

Three weeks after she had returned, she sat in her office going over one of her Romanian co-workers requests to export five dragon eggs from Britain. Her door flung open and she felt a little sick. There stood Draco Malfoy. Draco had merely escaped during the war. He had always been on the Death Eater's side, though not officially of course. When Crabbe was killed, Draco went to the Ministry and told them where they could find Goyle. This cleared him from all charges. He inherited his late parents' mansion, and now he had a job at the ministry. He had inherited his father's old status, in spite of Lucius being a Death Eater.

"Granger," he spat at her.

"What are you doing here Malfoy?" she answered, not believing her eyes.

"I am one of your supervisors," he grinned.

"What?" Hermione stood up behind her desk.

"Well, naturally. I mean, father had many creatures in his care. Not at the mansion, of course," he said and threw his hand nonchalantly in the air. "But here I am, working at Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. They practically begged me to come and help them."

"Yeah, I'm sure," she mumbled.

He sneered at her. "Yes well, I need that report before the day is over."

She looked at the great clock on her wall. "I'm off in just one hour!" she exclaimed.

"Well then, better get on it. Luckily you don't have a life."

He closed the door and Hermione felt like reaching for her wand and hexing him.

It was after midnight when Hermione got home, and she was completely exhausted. She heard Ron and Harry laughing in the living room and started walking up the stairs when Ron called her name. She dragged herself into the living room.

"Blimey, what happened to you?" Ron asked.

"Malfoy is my new boss," she answered and sat down on the armchair of the sofa.

Ron's eyes popped out and even Harry gave her a concerned look. This sent both of them into a fury about all that Draco Malfoy had done, where he should be placed, and what curse would be best to use on him. Hermione turned around and left the room, and Ron called after her, "We are having a party tomorrow, everyone is coming." She didn't even bother answering. "Whoa, she seems really down," Ron said to Harry.

"Yup," Harry replied casually.

"When are you going to give her a break? Don't give that innocent look. Look I know you were mad that she left as well and maybe you thought it was wrong to just leave me, but if I can forgive her then so can you. This is really tiring Harry. We were all best friends, and you are what is standing between it being like it was."

"I don't mean to be a jerk..." Harry answered with a low voice. He really didn't, he just didn't feel like talking to Hermione at all. She had really hurt him when she left. He had gone out with as many girls as he could to forget her, but it hadn't worked as well as he had hoped. The moment she had stepped out of that taxi he had realized that absolutely nothing had changed. Maybe Ron was right, maybe he was being too hard on her. It wasn't her fault that he couldn't get over her. "All right I'll make an effort at the party tomorrow."

The next evening, while Harry was getting ready for the party he felt giddy and nervous. What would he wear? He didn't want to look overdressed. He chose all black - that always worked for him. He walked downstairs and made himself a drink. He had started buying drinks from both the magic and the muggle world. Ginny and Luna were the first ones to arrive, Ginny looked stunning as always in a tight, short black dress. Her long hair was dancing down her back, and she smelled wonderful. She gave Harry a kiss on the cheek. She still loved to flirt with him, and Harry was pretty sure that she was hoping he'd come around in the future. Luna wore a long, purple, velvet dress, and she had white flowers in her hair. He couldn't help wondering how things that might look odd on most girls managed to look beautiful on her. He gave her a welcoming hug. Neville arrived by himself, and he had brought some flowers.

"You are so polite," Ginny said and kissed both his cheeks.

"It's my gram, she made me bring them when she heard I was going to see Harry," he answered embarrassed.

Seamus and the twins came together, of course. Fred hadn't brought Angelina, who was working nights at St. Mungo's. Two girls walked in next – one was Harry's date and the other was a friend she had brought. Jenny was her name and she had long, black hair and big blue eyes. She was quite short and had a cute face. The other one, Harry's date, was Vicky; she had big, blonde curls and was a quite curvy girl. Harry had to think for a second…which one was his date again? He received an answer when he saw Vicky pout her red lips at him.

"Harry, sweetie," she batted her eyes at him.

Harry pressed a forced smile. Ron looked jealously at Harry…Vicky was hot! They all sat down and began drinking and listening to music. Harry didn't even hear Hermione come home and sneak up the stairs. He didn't notice her until she entered the room.

_Damn it,_ he thought angrily. _Why did she have look so beautiful?!_


	7. Hole in my soul

Chapter 7.

Hole in my soul

_Yeah there's a hole in my soul  
But one thing I've learned  
For every love letter written  
There's another one burned  
_

_Is it over  
'cause I'm blowin'out the flame_

Take a walk outside your mind  
Tell me how it feels to be  
The one who turns the knife inside of me  
Take a look and you will find there's nothing there girl  
Yeah I swear, I'm telling you girl 'cause  
There's a hole in my soul that's been killing me forever  
It's a place where a garden never grows  
There's a hole in my soul, yeah I should have known better  
'cause your love's like a thorn without a rose

I'm as dry as a seven year drought  
I got dust for tears  
Yeah I'm all tapped out  
(sometimes I feel broken and can't get fixed)

Hole in My Soul – Aerosmith

Hermione wore tight, low cut jeans and a white, business suit vest. She smiled at everyone when she saw them. She really loved being with the twins, they always cheered her up. She introduced herself to the two new girls. The blonde one gave her a proud smile and said,

"I'm Vicky, Harry's girl."

Hermione gave her a welcoming smile, but she felt like turning around and walking straight back to her room. She turned around and walked over to the stereo. "Does anyone mind some muggle music?" she asked.

Jenny's face brightened. "My mum's a muggle, I love their music!"

Hermione looked through the CDs they had to choose from and she went for a classic, "Brown Eyes Girl" by Van Morrison. Ron gave Harry a stern look.

"Right," he said and jumped to his feet. "A drink, Hermione?" She looked surprised at him but nodded and followed him to the table where they had put all the bottles.

"Muggle drinks?" she asked surprised.

"Yup, needed to branch out. What do you fancy?"

"I guess I'll have… hm… just a butterbeer to start."

"Coward," he joked, and she pushed him with her shoulder. Obviously jealous, Vicky walked over and wrapped her arms around his waist. _Why did I invite her_? he thought. For her next drink, Ron made Hermione a screwdriver. She liked it a lot but felt that it was a bit strong. She felt relieved to see that this party had the same feeling as always.

"So, where did you get that great tan?" Jenny asked, trying to make some conversation.

"Oh, I worked outside in Romania for six months. It was really sunny, so…"

"Wow." Jenny interrupted.

"Yeah, wow, Hermione," Seamus agreed and raised his eyebrows. "You almost look like a gingerbread man, I could fancy a taste." He winked. Hermione knew he was joking but it was embarrassing anyway. Both Ron and Harry glared a little at Seamus. Jenny was quite intrigued by Luna's stories from The Quibbler, but Vicky mostly sat starring at Harry.

_What a nut!_ Hermione thought. She was getting a little bit tipsy, but she felt good. This was the first time in a very long time she was in the same room with Harry without feeling too weird. It was almost like the good old times.

As Harry was mixing a batch of sangria for everyone, George suggested that they play a game.

"Remind me, how old are you again?" Ginny laughed.

"Shut it," he waved a hand at her. "It's new, from the store. A magic sort of truth and dare"

"Honestly!" Hermione muttered.

"What's that?" Luna had no clue what muggles did.

"You've never played?" George asked. "Well we have to then."

"Don't be afraid." Ron said teasingly to Hermione.

"I'm _not_ afraid. It's just immature. But fine… whatever." She swept the last of her third screwdriver and they all sat down on the floor around a small, round, coffee table. It was rather tight, so Vicky made sure to squeeze as close to Harry as possible.

"I want to ask something." Neville raised his hand.

"Yes Mr. Longbottom." George did his best impression of Professor McGonagall.

"Well, this game is from your shop after all… Is it jinxed in anyway or will it be a fare game? Will I end up with a green nose or something?" The rest around the table nodded.

"Good questions in deed, five points to Gryffindor," Fred continued.

"But another ten off because Mr. Finnigan over there stole my firewhiskey," George interrupted.

"The game is absolutely fine. Merlin's honour!" Fred finished.

Fred placed what looked like a floating wand in the middle of the table. He made to push it with his hand in the air and it started spinning. It pointed at Ginny.

"Truth or dare?" Fred asked.

"Truth," she answered cautiously. The wand lit a small spark, and then spat a very small scroll. Fred took it and looked down.

"Tell us something you stole," he read out loud. Ginny laughed, relived it was such an easy one.

"Well, I sure am glad you're not a prefect anymore. But Hermione, I stole your old notebook when you were a fourth year and I kept it until I was a fourth year." Hermione gaped and the giggled.

"You little sneak!"

Ginny pushed the wand and it landed on Neville. He chose truth as well. Ginny read, "If you could ask anyone anything, and you would be guaranteed and honest answer, what would it be?"

Without even thinking he said, "I would ask Snape what his boggart was." He spun the wand and it landed on Ron, he of course had to be brave and chose dare.

"Spin the wand again, and give whoever it stops on a kiss," he waved at the wand and it stopped on Ginny.

"Do it again!" she cried out disgusted. This time it landed on Jenny. Ron didn't seem to mind this at all, Hermione watched as he gave her a few tongue-less kisses. She wished she could be freer like that sometimes. He spun the wand and it landed on Vicky.

"Dare," she stated before he had asked.

Everyone was sure what she was hoping for.

"Make the most disgusting sound you've ever done in the toilet," Ron laughed and the rest of the room joined him, and Hermione wondered if he had made it up. He showed it to Vicky and she looked cranky. She made a silly fart noise and rolled her eyes. She spun the wand. It landed on Hermione and she chose dare.

"Nice, Hermione," Ron teased and nudged her in the side. Harry looked from Ron to Hermione. _Are they flirting? Well so what if they are? She's not my girlfriend, I shouldn't even care. I don't care the slightest…_ he thought

Vicky opened the scroll. "I'm to make you any drink of my choice and you have to drink it," she announced pleased. She walked over to the bar and poured a really large firewhiskey for Hermione.

_Well here's to being freer_, Hermione thought and swept it. Fred and George clapped their hands. She spun the wand and it landed on George.

"Dare!" he answered as quickly as Vicky had.

She read, "Let the group decide a partner, lie in this persons lap and let him or her spank you five times."

"Luna, you should do it!" Fred laughed. She didn't mind at all, she spanked him quite hard. Now the wand pointed at Harry.

"When was the last time you had sex?"

"I guess, last weekend," he answered. He saw Hermione giving him a judgemental look. Harry quickly spun the wand. It landed on Ron again.

"Dare"

"Wow, looks like you're kissing again Ronny boy. The person opposite you," Harry laughed and looked over at the other side of the table. Hermione! She didn't really know what to do, she looked at Ron and laughed a little. She looked over at Harry but he avoided her look. Ron walked around the table and gently put one hand on each side of her face. He leaned in and she closed her eyes. He slowly kissed her lips, and slightly let his tongue touch her bottom lip. It was a great kiss.

Ginny made a little applause. Vicky seemed inspired and placed her hand high on Harry's thigh. Harry was so distracted that he didn't even notice. Ron pretended to dry some sweat from his forehead when he sat back down.

Hermione was feeling pretty drunk by now. She turned to see what song would be next on the stereo, "Represent Cuba with Orishas".

Seamus was next for a dare and he was forced to tell everyone how many people he had snogged in his life. He couldn't even remember. Then the wand pointed at Ginny.

"Who was your first lover," Seamus read making a sexy face as he read the word lover.

"Everyone knows I'm still a virgin," she laughed.

Hermione almost choked on her sangria. _I didn't know that? Ginny with all her boyfriends. Ginny who had been with Harry for so long. Harry! Hadn't he been with Ginny? Did that mean…was I his first?_ Her head was spinning, she looked at Harry but he refused to look back at her. Jenny was next and she was supposed to kiss Fred, but he refused, saying that Angelina would kill him.

"Well you're close enough." Jenny grabbed George who didn't protest. Vicky was kissing Harry's neck by now while he was still looking at the wand.

"Oi, Miss Vampire!" Ginny said harshly.

Vicky looked up. "My turn?" she answered innocently.

"No it's Harry's." Ginny rolled her eyes.

Jenny read out his dare. "Give the person next to you a hickey."

Harry started sucking on Vicky's neck. Hermione went over to the stereo. She felt like she had had enough "Truth or Dare" to last a lifetime. "I want to dance!" she stated. Luna and Ginny jumped up. It looked like she wasn't the only one. Son of a preacher – Dusty Springfield came on and everyone got up. It wasn't the regular fast beat one might have hoped for but it was a nice calm beat, and they started swaying their hips from side to side. Hermione and Jenny sang the lyrics out loud and Ginny laughed at Hermione.

"I am so glad you're back," she shrieked and hugged her from behind. Ron danced up to Hermione and swayed his hips together with hers.

Hermione almost wanted Harry to see it, she had to watch him and Vicky all night and it was his turn to be jealous, but he barely glanced at them. He was busy dancing with both Jenny and Vicky. When the ballad "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas started, Hermione wrapped her arms around Seamus's neck. He was a bit too drunk for her taste and he kept stepping on her foot. She saw that Jenny had beat Vicky to the punch and was dancing with Harry. Suddenly there was a knock on her shoulder.

"Wanna swap?" Jenny asked and looked at Hermione. She gestured and winked with her eye. Hermione understood this to mean that Jenny wanted to dance with Seamus. Before she could answer she was pushed aside. She moved closer to Harry and wrapped her arms around his neck. He placed his hand on her back and pulled her closer. She could hardly breathe.

There it was, the Harry smell. She put her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes. She turned her face towards his neck so no one would see her face. Harry slowly led her around to the music. He felt stiff and uncomfortable, but she didn't care, she just wanted to enjoy the moment. Harry concentrated hard on not pulling her too close, but he could smell her hair; vanilla and shampoo. He felt her face buried in his neck and his heart beat faster. It was so nice, but so wrong.

_I can't do this_, he thought. _Why the hell am I torturing myself? _He felt her breasts against his chest and he tried to concentrate on something else. But suddenly the image of a naked Hermione flashed before his eyes."I am really tired," he said suddenly and pushed her away. "Are you coming?" he turned to Vicky. Hand-in-hand they walked up the stairs. Hermione was left standing alone on the dance floor.

"I think I am going to bed now," Hermione mumbled ninety minutes later. She really did feel tired, thanks to the alcohol in her system. She had pushed to stay awake as long as possible after Harry had left. She didn't know what they were doing in his room, but she couldn't bear to think about it. And she sure didn't want to risk hearing it, since her room was on the same floor. Neville and Luna both jumped up, it looked like they had been dying to go as well, it was getting really late. Jenny left hand-in-hand with Seamus, and Hermione quickly found herself alone with Ron. He was looked half-dead, lying on the sofa.

"Do you mind if we clean this up tomorrow?" she asked.

"I sure ain't doing it tonight," he mumbled.

She helped him off the sofa and with his arm over her shoulder they walked up the stairs. Ron gave her a light kiss on the cheek and then walked into his room. Hermione stood quietly outside Harry's door. She couldn't hear a sound, but that didn't mean anything. She put her hand softly on his door and wondered for a second what it would have felt like to be the one invited in there. Invited to his bed…

Hermione cried herself to sleep. How could she still be in love with Harry when he made her hate him so much?

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Thanks to all of you actually read this story. Thanks for your reviews and your emails!

Big thanks to Chelsey, my beta!


	8. Bittersweet

Chapter 8.

Bittersweet

_I'm giving up the ghost of love  
In the shadows cast on devotion.  
She's the one that I adore  
Creed of my silent suffocation.  
Break this bittersweet spell on me,  
Lost in the arms of destiny. _

Bittersweet.

I won't give up, I'm possessed by her.  
I'm bearing the cross, she's turned into my curse.  
Break this bittersweet spell on me,  
Lost in the arms of destiny,  
Bittersweet, I want you (I'm only wanting you)  
And I need you (i'm only needing you)  
Break this bittersweet spell on me,  
Lost in the arms of destiny.  
Break this bittersweet spell on me,  
Lost in the arms of destiny.

_Bittersweet – Apocalyptica Featuring Ville Valo & Lauri Ylonen_

The next morning, Harry joined Hermione and Ron for breakfast, but Vicky was no longer with him. Hermione had had a rough night and had woken early. She had made a very large breakfast; toast, eggs, sausages, pancakes, fruit, bacon, muffins, tea, coffee, and three different freshly made juices.

"Nice," Harry stated and sat down.

"Where's your new girlfriend?" Ron asked, grinning widely.

"She is still sleeping," Harry answered while stuffing his mouth full of pancakes.

"Busy night?" Ron looked like he was hoping for details and Hermione put the tea kettle hard on the table.

_That's the last straw, there is absolutely no reason to stay here and put up with Harry's torture. I'm moving out_, she decided. She went back to the stove and turned a couple of sausages in the pan. Tears were burning the inside of her eyelids, and she desperately tried to keep them in their place.

Harry must have felt how uncomfortable she was. "Shut up Ron. Nothing happened. I was to bloody drunk and tired, and I fell asleep immediately," he answered.

Ron nodded and rolled his eyes as if saying "sure". Hermione sat down next to Ron. "This breakfast is brilliant. You should do this every morning," Ron patted her back.

"Do it yourself. I'm not your bloody maid," she snapped and threw her fork on the table. She stormed out of the front door, slamming it behind her. Ron gave Harry a perplexed look.

"What did I do?" he asked.

Harry watched her leave and felt kind of bad for her. He had seen how uncomfortable she had been when Ron went on about Vicky. He had told the truth, nothing had happened. But what he hadn't told them was that Vicky had been so upset at Harry for not being in the mood that Harry had had to escort her out of the house.

Harry hardly saw Hermione that whole week. She was so busy at work, that when she came home she just went straight to bed. But Ron was leaving to go play two matches in Ireland, and he would be gone a whole week….leaving them alone. When Harry came home from work on Friday afternoon he was surprised to hear music from the backyard. He walked outside and saw Hermione lying in a bikini on her stomach on a blanket reading a book. She looked up a little surprised and embarrassed.

"Oh, hi, Harry, you're early. Do you mind the music? It's just that the weather was so lovely, I just couldn't resist."

"No I don't mind, what are you doing home already?" He couldn't help himself stealing a few glances of her body while she wasn't looking.

"Malfoy didn't come in at all today, so I left. I mean I've done about three weeks work this week; I don't fell at all bad about it. Would you mind terribly if I asked you to get me some water. It's quite hot out here." Harry went into the kitchen and filled two large glasses with water and ice. When he got back out he sat down on one of the chairs. Hermione sat up and drank her water. Harry looked at her body, she looked practically naked.

"You really do have a nice tan," he said more to himself than to her.

She blushed a bit, and when Harry pulled of his t-shirt she blushed harder. She hadn't seen his body since he was naked in her bed. She put the cold glass against her cheek and the cold almost hurt her face.

"So tell me about Malfoy," Harry leaned back in the chair.

"Well he is as foul as ever, the little ferret. He loves to torture me at work, but don't worry. I am doing great, as if giving me more to read is a punishment," she joked. They both stole hungry glances at each other. Harry sat down on the blanket next to her. Hermione could hardly breathe. _Don't be such a silly little school girl! It's just Harry for goodness sake_, she told herself.

"It's my blanket," he said, as if knowing that his presence there beside her made her uncomfortable. "I should be able to get some sun as well." He lay down on his back, and Hermione lay next to him on her stomach. He put his arm under his head and looked up at the sky. He took off his glasses and carefully put them beside him.

"Can we talk?" Hermione asked carefully. She really didn't want to spoil this moment, but Harry seemed willing to spend time with her at the moment, so she might as well ask.

"About?" he inquired, but he knew what she wanted to ask him.

"Last week, Ginny said she was a virgin…"

"So?"

"Well I was just wondering. When we… you know. Well, was that… Were you… or had you…" she just couldn't complete any of the sentences.

"Yes, that was my first time," he answered calmly.

Hermione just wanted to throw herself on top of Harry and kiss him. She had been his first…Harry Potter's first lover. What he had felt with her, he had never felt with anyone else before.

"I know it wasn't your first time," he blurted, in a rather rude tone.

"No, it wasn't," she answered and looked at him. He was still staring at the sky. _I wish it had been though,_ she thought.

"No, you were sleeping with Ron at the same time," he snapped defiantly. Hermione looked hurt and Harry couldn't understand why he had said that…maybe to keep his pride.

"I never slept with him again after you and I made love," she answered honestly. Harry rolled over onto his side and was now so close to her. He laid his head against his elbow and looked into her eyes.

_Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me,_ Hermione thought.

"Hermione…" he said in a hoarse voice.

"What Harry?" she looked into his eyes. _You have the most beautiful green eyes I've ever seen,_ she thought

_God, I love your eyes_, Harry thought. He didn't answer; he just moved a strand of hair away from her face with his finger.

"I missed you so much Harry," she couldn't stop herself.

"Then you shouldn't have left," he answered and sat up.

"Do you still not see how I had to?" she asked with a weak voice. She knew that she had ruined that wonderful moment they had just had. He decided to drop the subject; he didn't want to spoil this weekend by having another fight with her.

"So what are the plans for the weekend? Got a date with some cute girl?" she asked trying to sound casual.

"Well I am supposed to go dancing tonight, but I don't really feel like it at all. It's a whole bunch of people going." Hermione raised herself so she was leaning on her elbows, laying on her back. She could still not see his face because he was sitting up.

"Oh, you should go Harry, you'll have fun. Dancing is lovely. Besides, won't Vicky be disappointed at the last minute cancellation?"

"Who? Oh, no, this is another girl. But a bunch of us going so I guess I have to. Why don't you come?" he lay back down on his side again.

"Well actually," she stammered "I also have a date." She tried to read his expression, he mostly looked surprised.

He looked down at her cleavage and said, "Bring him." She playfully gave him a light push on the elbow and he fell back.

"Why, so you can scare him away?" she smiled. He rolled back over onto his side.

"Is it someone I know?" he tried to sound calm, but he felt jealousy burning inside of him.

"Well, he works at the ministry, his name is Thomas."

"Oh you mean Tiny Thomas!" Harry laughed when she pinched his side. "I'm just kidding…I don't know any Thomas. But seriously, you should bring him."

_Was Harry flirting with me?_ she thought.

_Was Hermione flirting with me?_ he thought. She gave him a teasing smile.

"So how was it, your first time I mean? Was I O.K., or were you disappointed,"

"I guess you'll never know." He gave her a sexy smile. "I have to take a shower." He got up and left her out on the grass. Hermione's insides were bubbling, it felt as if she was the one having the date with Harry. Had he been flirting?

Harry watched her from the window in his room; she looked so wonderful on that blanket. What he wouldn't do to be that blanket and have Hermione on top of him. Maybe he should make that shower a cold one?

Hermione made up her mind. That night her date would take her to dinner at a fancy muggle restaurant and then they would meet up with the others at the dancing club. She had to look hot, tonight was all about Harry. She wasn't quite sure what had gotten into her, but Ron wouldn't be there tonight, no one she knew would be there. Harry had flirted with her, and she was sure he had checked out her body when she was in the bikini. She needed to see tonight, if there was still something between them. She wore a black skirt and a red top with an open back; she straightened her hair and put it up in a tight ponytail. During dinner she was very nervous, she could hardly concentrate on Thomas and his boring discussions about work. Soon she would see Harry, and Harry would see her in her hot outfit.

_What am I doing? I am setting myself up for a big disappointment, that's what I am doing! He won't care what I look like… Yes, he might, because he did flirt with me. But then again, he might act like that to all girls around him nowadays,_ she thought.

She walked into the club hand-in-hand with Thomas, immediately Hermione started scanning the room for Harry. It was a rather small club and in the middle was a big, circular bar, and on one side of it there was dance floor, and the rest of the space was filled with booths and long tables.

Harry saw her the second she walked into the room. He saw that a lot of the male customers had noticed her to. She looked so hot. She showed her gorgeous legs for once, and she even had high heels. He glared at the guy holding her hand. Harry thought about hexing him right there, but figured it might not be such a brilliant idea. He stood up and waved them over, Hermione gave him a big smile. When they came closer he realized that he knew her date.

"Tom?" he asked surprised.

"Harry?" Thomas asked, just as surprised.

"Do you know each other?" Hermione looked at Thomas.

"Of course Hermy," Thomas smiled widely. "I work for Wizengamot Administration Services, you know. It is a very important job; naturally the Aurors see us often. Harry, it's such a pleasure to see you." He reached over and shook Harry's hand.

They sat down and Harry whispered in Hermione's ear, "Nice skirt, _Hermy_."

"Shh…" she giggled, "I just can't bring myself to tell him that I hate that nickname."

"I still can't believe you are on a date with Tom, he is like a blonde version of Percy," Harry teased and gave her a playful push. Hermione scanned the table, she didn't know anyone there, but it was easy to see who Harry's date was. Tonight he was escorted by a black haired girl who kind of reminded Hermione of Cho Chang. She was glaring at Hermione, obviously jealous at the loss of attention.

"I think I'll go and get a drink," Hermione stood up. Harry tried his best not to turn around and look at her as she was walking away, but he couldn't help himself.

Hermione ordered a drink called a "Bikini", thinking that it was fitting for the day. She looked over at Harry, their eyes met and she could swear that he smiled at her. Her blood was getting hot. _Keep your cool_, she told herself.

The night was coming along great; Hermione really liked all the people around the table. She was especially pleased that Harry hadn't sat down next to his date, apparently named Zoya, after he had been in the men's room.

"Thomas, do you want to dance?" she asked Thomas who was deep in conversation about Muggle toasters with one of the Aurors.

"Oh Hermy, I'm not really much of a dancer," he confessed.

"I'll dance with you," Harry gave her a sly smile.

"What about me?" Zoya made a sulky face.

"Yeah I'll dance with you later." He said without taking his eyes of Hermione. He reached out for Hermione, she gave him her hand and they walked over to the dance floor. The song of the summer was playing, the huge Muggle top seller, "It Feels So Good" by Sonique. Harry and Hermione danced playfully, spinning around each other. Hermione felt happier then she had felt in a very long time. She could see that Harry was really having fun, maybe he felt just like her, that when Ron wasn't there they didn't have to worry about anyone figuring out the history between them. No one knew them at this place, they could do anything. The muggle D.J blew out a huge cloud of smoke and the song "Blow My Whistle" by D.J Alligator came on.

"Oh no, I hate this song," Hermione shook her head.

"Come on, let's go to the bar and get a drink," Harry said and put his arm around her shoulder. It was as if he just realized that he had put it there, because he quickly yanked it away. "What are we drinking?" he turned to Hermione.

"You choose," she said and bobbed her head to the music. Harry looked at the huge chart with drinks. Hermione sang a long with the music, "Blow my whistle, bitch."

"Excuse me?" Harry started laughing.

"Oh stop, I was just… you know the song!" she laughed.

"For that I think we'll have to order two temptations," Harry said to the bartender. "One for me and one for the whistle blowing Hermy." They zipped their drinks while watching some of the people on the dance floor.

"Thanks for my temptation." Hermione gave him a mischievous smile.

"Anytime," he bit his lower lip.

"Promise?" she teased.

He shook his head and laughed. "Porcelain" by Moby started playing. Hermione clapped her hands, and dragged Harry back to the dance floor.

"Are we being rude, avoiding our dates?" she asked while they were dancing.

"What?" he yelled. He pointed at his ears. The music was too loud. She leaned as close as she could, placed her hand on his back and repeated,

"Our dates!"

"Forget them." He placed his hand on her waist. She turned around and pressed herself against Harry. After that song, it was time for a slow one; "With or Without You" by U2.

Harry put his arms around Hermione's waist and pulled her close. She placed her head comfortably at his shoulder and Harry leaned his head against hers.

They had danced a mere few seconds when some one tugged at Hermione's shoulder so hard that she was whirled around. Zoya was smiling widely at Harry. "My turn!" she stated

"Actually…" Harry began but Hermione cut him off.

"It's fine Harry. Dance with her, I'll go over to the bar."

She walked over and ordered another temptation. She had her back against the dance floor; she didn't want to see them. As the song ended she felt a hand on the back of her thigh and she felt him press against her from behind. She smiled but didn't turn. When she felt a tongue lick her ear she spun around - that did **not** feel like Harry.

"Who the hell are you?" she yelled at the guy standing close to her.


	9. Paper cup

Chapter 9

Paper Cup

_Wishful thinking I might be yours  
Drifting on every step  
I'm always drawn to the dark horse  
Sweet, sweet, oh nothing's said _

And every dream is just a dream after all

And everything stands so still when you dance  
Everything spins so fast  
And the night's in a paper cup  
When you want it to last

Wishful thinking you might be mine  
Every shiver sends  
One breath under the bridge of sighs  
Bending where the river bends

"_Paper Cup" – Heather Nova_

_--_

Hermione pushed him away so hard that he almost fell.

"What are you doing?" he slurred, his breath stinking of gin. He placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Get off, you wanker!" she hissed angrily and pushed the hand off.

"Look I've been watching you all night. Dressed like that, dancing like that, you are looking for a nice guy to take you home, and you're looking at him baby!" He reached to touch her face but she slapped away his hand.

"I don't think so."

"Let my just buy you a drink, that's all"

"I can buy my own drink, now go," she answered heatedly.

"Now look here, don't you go thinking that you're miss thing! You should be so lucky to get with me," he grabbed her arm hard and she had to stand on her toes. "Sweet Dreams" by Marilyn Manson came on playing. The guy suddenly took several steps backwards. Hermione saw a hand on his shoulder dragging him back. She knew it was Harry's hand.

"Back off, you," he ordered calmly.

"Why don't you bugger off? I saw you dancing with the other girl, I know this isn't your bird," the drunken guy spat back.

"Get out of here!" Harry raised his voice, "I won't warn you again."

The last Hermione wanted was Harry to get in trouble. What would happen if the Daily Prophet caught wind of him fighting with a Muggle? She walked between them.

"Harry, lease, it's ok!" she assured and grabbed his arm. "Let's go dance."

"Come back here when you are ready for a real man, unless four-eyed geeks is your thing!" the guy yelled after them. Harry was glaring at the guy who was now walking away. Hermione turned his face to look at her.

"Forget him," she stroked his arm calmly.

"What a jerk," Harry muttered

"Forget him!" she repeated. She took both of his hands in hers.

"Show some tolerance. I work with Malfoy everyday and I haven't punched him yet. You should really be able to handle some loser Muggle." Harry smiled at her. "What?" she asked self-consciously

"This feels like the good old times." Hermione reached up and stroked his cheek carefully. He licked his lips and gave her a playful smile.

"Do you remember that night at the hog's head?" she inquired hesitantly. This was a gamble; Harry might get mad at her for bringing that up.

"Of course," he looked into her eyes and leaned closer. "What are you trying to say Hermione?" She could feel his hot breath on her skin and it made all the hairs on her body stand up straight. She was just about to answer when Thomas broke their bubble. They had both been so intensively hypnotized by each other that they hadn't even heard him calling their names.

"Hermy, I have been looking everywhere for you! What are you guys up to? Zoya is looking for you Harry." Harry looked at Thomas with an irritated look.

"Is she?" he answered uninterested.

"Better go find her, she was quite irritated," Thomas continued. Hermione felt this wonderful moment slip away from them. As Harry turned and walked away she really felt like it had been then or never, and now it was too late.

She followed Thomas back to the table where she made polite conversation for about thirty minutes. There was no sight of Harry anywhere; Hermione figured that he must have left with Zoya. Hermione leaned into Thomas and whispered, "I am really tired Thomas, but I had a great time. I think I'm just going to go home if that's O.K."

"I'll take you home," Thomas insisted.

"Oh no, you're here with your friends. Please, I would feel so bad if I spoiled this night for you."

"I guess that goodnight kiss I had planned will have to wait until next time," he winked at her.

She couldn't even answer, she just nodded and smiled. She said goodbye to the people around the table and left the club. When the cold air hit her face she took a few deep breaths, it really had been smoky inside. As if her nightmare wasn't complete Hermione immediately recognized the guy walking towards her. It was that obnoxious guy from earlier. "Damn," she cursed quietly.

"Pretty lady," he called at her.

"Look I really don't want any problems, I just want to go," she spoke calmly. He walked over and grabbed both of her arms.

"Look cutie, I didn't mean any problems in there. You misunderstood; I just think you're hot. I'm on my way to an after-party. Why don't you join me?"

"No thanks, I want to go home," she replied and pulled one of her arms free. The guy was sweating profusely and it made her a little nauseas.

"Don't be such a snob. But O.K., I can follow you home and we can have an after-party there." He winked at her.

"Please let go of my arm," she tried to free herself. When he didn't, Hermione had had enough; she pushed him away as hard as she could.

"You little bitch," he roared. He sprinted close to her and slapped her right across the face. He slapped her so hard that she lost her balance and fell to the ground. The guy seemed frightened of his own actions and hastily started running away from there. She heard a voice further down the alley. It was Zoya's high-pitched voice.

"Isn't that your friend?" she asked to whom could only be Harry, Hermione guessed. She heard fast footsteps running up to her. She sat up and started rubbing her elbow; she had hit it pretty hard when she fell backwards. Harry threw himself on his knees next to her.

"What happened Hermione?" he panted. Zoya was running towards them, slower than Harry because of her high heels.

"Help me up please," Hermione mumbled embarrassed.

"What happened?" Harry demanded.

"It was nothing, O.K. Harry? It was just that stupid guy. But he's gone now, and I just want to go home," she answered as she stood up on her feet. Her elbow was really hurting her.

"I'll take you," he insisted.

"No, I'm fine. A little embarrassed maybe, but I'm fine."

Zoya caught up to them. "Harry, we were supposed to go back inside, remember," she said in a falsely sweet voice.

"I am taking you home," he declared again, and Hermione knew from his tone of voice that there would be no discussion. Zoya looked annoyed and she turned on her heel so fast that her hair almost caught Harry in the face. "Let's go home," Harry walked ahead of her without letting go of her hand. When they were out of any Muggle's sight they apparated, and suddenly they were standing in the living room. She sat down on the big velvet sofa, leaned back, and stared up at the ceiling.

"Tough night?" Harry sat down, placing his arm along the top of the sofa.

"No, I actually had a wonderful time, I just feel like fool for letting some stupid guy bother me." Harry suddenly leaned very close to her. Hermione held her breath; _is this it? Is he going to kiss me?_ He was looking at her eye; it looked like it was starting to bruise a little bit.

"Did he hit you?" he asked incredulity. Hermione didn't answer, and he knew the answer. "Why didn't you tell me? I would have gone after the bastard." Hermione put her hand on Harry's knee and that silenced him. He grabbed her arm and looked at her bleeding elbow. "Accio first aid kit," he said and a first aid kit flew across the room. He soaked a cotton ball with alcohol and carefully dabbed her arm. She winced a little. "Sorry." _She looks so sad, _Harry thought_. I wish I could have been there to help her. _He placed his arm over her shoulder and pulled her to him. She obediently followed. He moved slightly on the sofa so she could lie down, and he lay down next to her, holding her tight. Hermione was completely silent, and Harry thought it was nice, not having to speak for once. It didn't take long until they both fell asleep.

The following week Hermione had even more to do at work then before. The paper piles on her desk were so high that she was barely visible. All she had to keep her company was the big clock on the wall, ticking loudly. She had trouble concentrating, she kept replaying the previous weekend in her mind. It had been so wonderful, being in the club with Harry. He had certainly been flirting with her, and even though they both had dates they just had eyes for each other. She wanted everyday to be like that, but she knew Harry was still very hurt.

There was knock on the door and Hermione called out for her visitors to enter. "Hello? Is anyone here?" someone asked. Hermione stood up and was now visible. It was Arthur Weasley, accompanied but a young handsome, wizard. "Hermione, dear, I am just showing this young man around a little."

"Hello, I am Isaac Cohen." The wizard stretched out his right arm. He was very handsome indeed. He had brown hair in a ponytail, brown intense eyes, his face had very refined lines and he shot her a beautiful smile. She shook his hand a little self-conscious of how tired she must be looking. She saw that he had a tattoo on the inside of his lower right arm. Something in Latin was written all the way from his hand to his elbow.

"Welcome to the ministry," she said as sweetly as she could.

"Thank you Miss Granger."

"Oh please call me Hermione," she insisted. Mr. Weasley smiled at them

"Well, Isaac, we'd better get going. I want to introduce you to my dear friend Harry Potter as well. You should be working quite a lot with him, I dare say."

"Where exactly will you be working?" Hermione inquired.

"Magical Law Enforcement Squad," Isaac answered while shooting her another intense look.

As Hermione sat back at her table her cheeks felt a little hot, that hadn't happened in a very long time. It took three more days before she saw him again. She was just finishing up her lunch in the canteen, her head in a book not noticing anyone around her. He sat down opposite at her table.

"Hermione?"

She looked up, a little startled. "Oh, Isaac," she stammered. "How is your first week going?" She closed the book and started fidgeting with her hair.

"Very good. I think I will like it a lot here. Thank you for asking."

"Where are you from?" she asked trying to make conversation. She drank a bit of water and looked at his tattoo again. Wearing a short-sleeved shirt made it fully visible. He had a rugged look about him, like he had just put his hair in that pony-tail without really looking in the mirror. It looked a bit messy, but in a good way. It reminded her of a certain someone.

"Manchester," he answered as he took a large mouthful of spaghetti.

"Oh, so you went to Hogwarts then?"

"Yes, I did, but only for four years. My parents moved to France, and I had to follow. But I hardly think we were there at the same time. I would have remembered you," he gave her a sexy smile.

"Oh, well, um… I started 1990," she blushed.

"That explains it. I started 1985, so I left one year before you'd even sorted. What house were you in?"

"Gryffindor."

"Naturally. I was in Ravenclaw myself. I was really bummed out when I heard that Hogwarts had the Triwizzard tournament a few years after I had left. Would have given my right arm to be in that." Hermione looked down at his tattoo again. He noticed her staring and placed his arm visibly in the middle of the table. She gently stroked the letters; she was fascinated by it.

"**Dulce bellum inexpertis,**" she read.

"I made that during the war," he explained in a severe tone of voice. "It means 'War is sweet for those who haven't experienced it'." If Hermione would have looked up at the far end of the big canteen she would have seen a man looking with jealous eyes at her. His eyes flickered to Isaac, before settling back on Hermione, Harry jabbed his potatoes with a fork. It was very obvious that that new guy, Isaac, was interested in Hermione, and why wouldn't he be? She was only getting more beautiful by the day. One only had to speak with her for a minute to realize that she was a smart and funny woman. Harry grabbed his lunch trey and walked out without finishing his lunch, he had suddenly lost his apatite.

When Hermione came home from work that day Ron and Harry were sitting on the living room floor polishing their brooms. She threw herself on the armchair, exhausted.

"Long day?" Ron asked.

"No, it was fine." The slit of her long robes had opened slightly and her bare legs were visible. Harry tried to not let that distract him. He saw Ron sneaking a peek at her still tanned legs.

"You better close those robes before I start polishing the wrong thing," Ron chuckled. Hermione laughed and closed her robes. She noticed that Harry was ignoring her, but she had no idea why.

"I was thinking of going to the cinema tonight, anyone want to join me?" she asked.

"I'm not going to see any muggle film," Ron answered firmly.

"Harry?" Hermione tried to get eye contact with him, but he refused to look up.

"Nope," he said airily. "Got better things to do."

Ron looked inquisitively at Harry, wondering what was up with him. Another mood swing, maybe?


	10. Like we never loved at all

Chapter. 10

Like We Never Loved At All

_You never looked so good as you did last night,  
Underneath the city lights.  
There walking with your friend, laughing at the moon.  
I swear you looked right through me.  
But I'm still living with your goodbye,  
And you're just going on with your life. _

_How can you just walk on by without one tear in your eye?  
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?  
Maybe that's just your way of dealing with the pain,  
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall,  
Like we never loved at all. _

_You, I hear you're doing fine;  
Seems like you're doing well,  
As far as I can tell.  
Time, Is leaving us behind  
Another week has passed,  
And still I haven't laughed yet.  
So tell me, what your secret is, baby, yeah.  
To letting go, letting go like you did,  
Like you did. _

_Did you forget the magic?  
Did you forget the passion?  
Oh, oh, and did you ever miss me,  
_

_Maybe that's just your way of dealing with the pain,  
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall,  
Like we never loved at all _

"_Like We Never Loved At All" by Faith Hill_

Hermione was in her room lying on her bed. The muggle radio was playing music and she was humming along while was making notes on one the parchment next to her. Ginny was sitting on the floor, going through the pages of a muggle magazine. She sighed loudly and Hermione looked at her.

"Look, I just don't get it. Are these clothes supposed to look good?" she exclaimed. Hermione leaned over the edge of the bed and saw Ginny looking at the latest fashion.

"What do you care about muggle fashion anyway?" she asked without really caring.

"Well…" Ginny answered in a mysterious tone of voice. This caught Hermione's attention. She put down her quill and curiously looked at Ginny.

"Are you trying to impress a muggle boy?" Hermione naturally thought it had to be about boys when it came to Ginny.

"Kind of… he used to be a muggle, at least he thought so," Ginny raised her eyebrows waiting for Hermione to understand. "I just want Harry to notice me again." Hermione almost lost her breath, it just kept getting better and better.

"But do you really…" Hermione was cut off.

"I know, I know he hasn't noticed me the past two years. But we had something really nice a while back. I'm just hoping that maybe I can make him forget about all those tarts he's been seeing." Hermione had a very strong feeling that Harry would never want to start things up with Ginny again, just as she would never want anything to ever happen between her and Ron again. "Would you talk to him for me?" Ginny asked.

"Am I mistaken? Are we still at Hogwarts?"

"Look you know what it's like to think about someone all the time. Like you and that guy Isaac!"

"What?" Hermione was shocked.

"Oh, Dad has told me how this Isaac guys likes to stop by your office, bringing you muffins and stuff." Hermione felt embarrassed and guilty, she hadn't done anything with Isaac. Sure it was true that he'd stop by from time to time, but that was all! Had Harry also heard these rumours? What would he think of her?

Ginny left a couple of hours later, but not before Hermione had promised to talk to Harry. How would she do that? She didn't want Harry to start thinking about Ginny in that way again. Hermione waited until Ron was a sleep, and the she knocked on Harry's door. He looked surprised when he saw her face as she opened the door

She had only been in his room once, and that was only to borrow a book. She looked around the room, it was so Harry. It was pretty messy; he had clothes lying in an armchair and on top of his trunk. Hedwig stood on a dresser near the window. The door to her cage was opened, but she seemed to be sleeping inside. He had a bookcase with a lot of books, mostly books about the dark arts. His old Gryffindor necktie hung on the edge of bookcase. Hermione went up to it and gently touched it.

"Nice memories," she said more to herself then to Harry.

Harry was lying in bed, already under his large duvet. His nightlight was on because he was reading a book. He put it down and raised himself so he was sitting. The duvet was covering his legs and crotch, but his torso was bare. She gazed a bit dreamily at him. "What's up?" he asked her and she shook herself back into the moment at hand.

She sat down on the bed and faced him. "Look I've got something real juvenile to ask you…" Harry just frowned at her, looking confused. "All right, here it goes. There's this girl who fancies you."

Harry scratched his head. "Are you serious?" he asked.

"Look I hate this, but I promised. She basically asked me to ask you…"

Harry interrupted her, "Look Hermione, I know it's Ginny." She closed her mouth and looked at him, trying to read his expression. "This has been going since we broke up."

"Going on?" she asked, a little nervous about what he meant.

"Her trying to hint that we should get back together. But it will never happen. There is nothing left on my side. As I said to you that night at the Hog's Head, I had fallen out of love with her." Hermione looked down at Harry's hand lying next to him on the bed. She wanted to touch it, hold it. She wanted to crawl into bed with him. "You have an admirer of yourself I've heard."

"You mean Isaac," she answered.

Harry felt a bit bothered that she so quickly thought of Isaac. "Are you two dating?" he inquired.

"No, not at all."

"You should go out with him," Harry said before he could stop himself. He was so intent on not being jealous, but why did he have to push her towards another guy? Hermione gave him a sad smile. She squeezed his hand for just a second.

"Good night Harry," she got up and as she was walking out of the door, she turned around and said, "I might bring him to Ron's Quidditch match this weekend."

It wasn't often Ron's team played at the local Quidditch pitch, but when they did he got everyone tickets. He gave two tickets to each person, so they could bring dates if they wanted to. That day, Harry brought Zoya; she was the first girl Hermione had seen him go on two dates with. Ginny brought Neville, but only as a friend. The twins couldn't make it because they were so busy at the shop, Hermione brought Isaac, Luna went alone, and Bill went with Mr. Weasley since Mrs. Weasley and Fleur stayed home, taking care of Bill and Fleur's two children Violet and Daisy. They all arrived separately but all sat together. Hermione followed Isaac to their seats, but then excused herself. She wanted to wish Ron good look before the game.

"I'll go with you." Ginny announced when she heard where Hermione was going. Hermione walked quickly so she would have time to get before the game started. Ginny had to almost run to keep up with her. "Isaac is _hot_!" she panted.

"Yeah, he really is," Hermione had to admit. They knocked on the door of the dressing room. A tall boy who resembled Grawp opened the door.

"Ron, it's your cute sister," he winked at Ginny. She gave him a polite smile, and tried to sneak a quick look over his shoulder.

"Ginny!" Hermione rammed her elbow into Ginny's side.

"What? It doesn't hurt to look," she giggled. Ron came out to the corridor.

"Hey pretty ladies," he said and gave them each a hug. "It's great that you came to wish me good luck, I am quite nervous. It's been a while since we played this team, and they are doing really good. I want to win, especially when all of you are in the audience."

"You'll be fine," Ginny sounded rather bored. Hermione took his hand in his and their fingers intertwined. Ron looked a little startled.

"Just pretend you just drank some Felix Felices, and try not to think about us the audience." Hermione tried to sound assuring.

They returned to their seats just in time for the game to start. Ron was doing very well and it looked like he was on the top of his game. Hermione's fingers tingled a little every time Isaac bent over to tell her something. She could see girls around her sneaking glances at Isaac, and she felt a little bit proud to be with him. She looked down the row she was sitting and saw Harry watching the game with one hundred percent attention. Zoya had her hand on his thigh and she was moving it up and down. She seemed to not care at all about Quidditch and she had a very smug look on her face, as if she knew that everyone who saw them would be talking about the girl who came to the game with Harry Potter.

When the Chudley Cannons had won, everyone continued to Number Twelve Grimmauld Placeto celebrate. Ron was happier then Hermione had seen him in years. He was so proud that everyone had seen him, and he couldn't stop smiling. Ron was standing in the living room reliving all the major scenes from the game and Luna was excitedly clapping her hands every time he did. Zoya sat next to Harry on the sofa, every now and then she would try to take his hand but he would always take it back. Ginny was sitting on the other side of him, and she kept flashing flirting smiles at him. Hermione was sick of it; she didn't want to be a member of his fan club anymore. Isaac was sitting in one of the armchairs, and she was sitting on the armrest.

"Did you enjoy the game?" she asked Isaac. They were speaking in a bit hushed voices so not everyone would hear them.

"Yes, I sure did. But I can't help it; I must admit that I still root for the best French team."

"Which is?" she asked, not really interested in any Quidditch team,

"Quiberon Quafflepunchers, of course," he said and grinned widely. She smiled sweetly at him and he put his arm around her so his hand was on her waist. It felt like the whole room noticed this and the first one to stare was Ron, but he quickly got his composure back and continued the story. Ginny just found it very exciting, and Hermione guessed she wished she had a guy giving her attention. Hermione didn't want to look at Harry. If Harry didn't care it would make her sad, and if he did care it would spoil this great moment with Isaac.

When it started to get dark outside, the group went their separate ways. Hermione followed Isaac to the door. She leaned against the railing of the stairs, and watched him put his coat on.

"I had a great time," she continued, "maybe we can do it again?"

"You can count on it," he walked closer to her and Hermione knew he was going to kiss her, she felt a little bit relieved when Neville interrupted them, making Isaac take a few steps back.

"Oh gosh, so sorry Hermione," he quickly turned around and went back into the living room.

"Well I guess that moment is spoiled," he laughed a little bit and left. Harry was helping Ron move all the cushions off the floor when Neville entered bright red in the face. He slumped down in the sofa.

"Why does it always have to be me?" he covered his face with his hands.

"What did you do now? Walk in on one of the girls in the bathroom?" Ron asked, Harry laughed and threw another pillow on the sofa.

"I interrupted Hermione's snogging session with that Isaac guy," Neville sighed.

Harry stopped throwing pillows and Ron frowned.

"What are you talking about?" Ron asked heatedly. "They've been on one date and he's already making moves on her? Well he sure doesn't waste anytime, does he?"

Neville looked pleadingly at Harry. Harry nodded in agreement, Neville was allowed to leave the room, and they soon heard the door close. Ron sat down in one of the armchairs and muttered something under his breath. "You all right?" Harry asked while sitting down on another chair.

"Oh, I'm just fine," Ron said and looked at the window.

"I thought you were over her, what's going on?" Harry felt all his energy disappear. He would never have a chance with Hermione if Ron still had feelings for her. _What if Ron asks her out, and I had to see them snogging every night on the sofa. I wouldn't stand it, I'd have to kick them out of the house,_ Harry thought.

"I _am_ over her. It's just that, well she's been so sweet since she moved back. It has made me realize how much I missed her, you know."

"Yeah I do know," Harry agreed.

"I hadn't even seen her since we broke up, and that kind of makes it confusing. I am having some problems sorting out what are friendship feelings, and what are ex-girlfriend feelings. Sometimes I almost think that she is sending me signals…"

"Oh?" this really caught Harry's attention.

"But then I realize that it's just Hermione being nice, as she always is. She is looking rather nice these days isn't she?" he looked over at Harry, who just nodded in agreement.

Ron continued: "I just need to go on a date soon; it's not good for a lonely boy to live in a house with his beautiful ex-girlfriend. I wish I could see Hermione like you do. I mean you two have no history, there is no tension there. I'd like that." Harry swallowed hard, and closed his eyes. _No history,_ he thought, _I wish_. He could see Hermione naked in his bed, laughing at some stupid joke he had made. He could remember the taste of the mash potatoes she had fed him. It took all his willpower not see her like that all the time.

Hermione had trouble sleeping that night. This was kind of exciting; she hadn't had any interest in a man since Harry. This was of course nothing at all compared to how she had felt for Harry, but it could maybe be something like what she had felt for Ron. Her thoughts were broken when she heard Zoya laughing in the room next door. She turned on her muggle radio and turned up the sound. She collapsed on the floor, kneeling.

_You, I hear you're doing fine;  
Seems like you're doing well,  
As far as I can tell.  
Time, is leaving us behind  
another week has passed,  
and still I haven't laughed yet.  
So tell me, what your secret is, baby, yeah.  
To letting go, letting go like you did,_

It was exactly what she was feeling. Tears started streaming down her face. Why couldn't she just let him go? Why was it so damn easy for Harry to live his life?

_Maybe that's just your way of dealing with the pain,  
forgetting everything between our rise and fall,  
like we never loved at all _

She buried her face in her hands and wept even harder, she could hardly breathe. The door swung opened and Harry was standing there with an irritable look on his face. "What's with this bloody music?" But then he looked startled when he saw that she was crying. In two steps he was at her side and didn't know what to do. "Hermione, what's wrong?"

"My life," she gasped.


	11. Gone with the sin

Chapter 11

Gone With the Sin

_I love your skin_

_Oh,so white_

_I love your touch_

_Cold as ice_

_And I love every single tear you cry_

_I just love the way you're losing your life_

_Oh, my baby, how beautiful you are_

_Oh, my darling, completely torn apart_

_You're gone with the sin, my baby_

_And beautiful, you are_

_So gone with the sin, my darling_

_I adore the despair in your eyes_

_I worship your lips, once red as wine_

_And I crave for your scent, sending shivers down my spine_

_And I just love the way you're running out of life_

"_Gone With the Sin" by HIM_

Harry sprung forward and knelt on the floor next to her. He put his arm around her shoulders and carefully helped her off the floor. He pointed his wand to the radio and it became silent. He gently sat her down on the bed and pulled her into an embrace. "What's wrong?" he repeated. Hermione didn't answer; she couldn't stop crying. "Just breathe Hermione." He rocked her back and forth and with his free hand wiped away her tears. He took her face in his hands and looked right into her beautiful brown eyes.

"How can you do this to me?" she whispered. She closed her eyes and tears welled over and ran down her face.

"What am I doing?" he really had no idea what she was talking about, but it hurt him deeply, the thought of her being this sad because of him. She shook off his hands, moved to the farther end of the bed and leaned against the wall. Harry did the same, and he looked perplexedly at her.

"Please tell me what's going on," he said sweetly as he took her hand in his and gently stroked it.

"I can hear you through the wall. How do you think it feels when…" she cried a little again and continued, "…when I hear your girls? Do you remember at the Three Broomsticks, you asked me not to be with Ron because we were in the next room? How do you think it feels for me?" He didn't know how to answer her. "I just can't stay here anymore," she took her hand from his. "I have to leave. It's just too hard. I have to be reminded everyday of how you are over me, and I… well I just never got over you Harry. I hurt everyday."

Harry finally spoke. "I never got over you Hermione; I never said that I had."

"But…"

"Don't interrupt me; you need to know that I still hurt to. I have been with these girls since you left because I am hoping that someone will feel special to me. But I still think of our two days in Hogsmeade, I still wish I could go back to that." There was a loud bang on the wall. Zoya was getting restless. "I'll be back," he muttered and quickly left the room, he was back in just a few seconds, and he sat down on the bed again. Hermione looked at him; she was still crying and her eyes getting red now. "Please don't cry," Harry pleaded and wiped away the tears with the back of his hand.

"I just don't understand, if you aren't over me, why aren't you with me?" she whimpered.

Harry thought for a second and answered, "There is just so much pain between us. I spent eighteen months of my life being very, very angry at you. And just because I still have feelings for you, doesn't mean the anger isn't still there."

"I'm just so terribly sorry," she whispered so quietly that Harry almost didn't hear her.

"You did what you had to do. You wanted to spare everyone's feelings. Maybe you did the right thing, I don't know. I just know that I was incredibly hurt when you left." Hermione was quiet. No words felt right. "Zoya left," Harry said, "and I am willing to talk all night if that's what it takes."

"I don't know if talking will solve anything, I feel broken inside. I can't fix this; I just want to fix it. I want to see me like you used to, the good in me."

"Believe me, I still see the good in you. You are the greatest person I have ever met."

Hermione turned to face him. She slowly leaned closer; their faces were just inches apart.

Harry leaned the rest and softly their lips touched. They hadn't kissed for two years, but the fire it use to cause flamed brightly again. Hermione cried softly into Harry's mouth, but he continued to kiss her, and with on hand he pulled her up on top of him so she was now straddling him. They kissed hungrily, Harry's hands pushed their way under Hermione's shirt and up her back. He had wanted to touch her skin for so long and it felt so wonderful. Hermione held his face with both her hands, and she kissed him as if it was the last kiss she'd have in her life. Harry lifted her up and placed her underneath him laying heavily on her. He grabbed one of her legs and wrapped it around his waist. He wanted her, right then and right there.

"I love you, Harry," she looked into the green eyes that haunted her dreams.

"I love you, too, Hermione," he lowered his head and slowly kissed her collar bone.

Reality interrupted them when Ron knocked on the door. "Hermione, are you sleeping?" he asked. Hermione looked terrified at Harry, what were they going to do?

"Um… no, but I'm not dressed," she answered desperately.

"Oh, even better," he joked and Harry frowned at Hermione.

"Is there anything special you wanted to talk about?" Hermione asked.

"No, not really, I just wanted some company downstairs. Harry is busy with that Zoya girl, so…."

"Sure," she answered and Harry looked inquiringly at her. They heard Ron descend down the stairs.

"Why?"

"I just, I don't know. I don't want to do this now, not like this. Not with Ron downstairs." Harry looked disappointed and Hermione gave him one more kiss.

"Where will we go from here?" Harry wondered.

"I'm not sure."

She got up out of the bad and walked downstairs. She drank tea with Ron for almost an hour before he finally was tired. This was good though, it had given both Harry and her time to think. When she was sure Ron was asleep in his room Hermione quietly snuck out of her room and carefully opened the door to Harry's room. She tip-toed up to his bed.

"Are you awake?" she whispered. He didn't answer, he just lifted the duvet and she slipped into the bed. She didn't want to know what Harry had decided just yet, she just wanted to enjoy the moment, enjoy being in his bed.

When Hermione woke up Harry was still sleeping. He had held her all night, almost too tight, but Hermione wasn't complaining. She turned around and looked lovingly at him. He was lying on his back with the duvet under his belly button, just like the last time she had been in bed with Harry. His eyes started flickering and he smiled when he saw Hermione.

"Morning," he kissed her nose.

"I'm happy," she simply replied. "I'm happy!" she shrieked.

"Shh… Ron will hear you."

"Nope, he left twenty minutes ago," she said and grinned.

"Well, then." He smiled and began tickling her.

As Harry took a shower Hermione made a very big breakfast. She was so happy; she just wanted to dance around the kitchen. When Harry came down his hair was wet, and it was dripping on his t-shirt. She smiled lovingly at him and placed two pancakes in front of him.

"Are you going to spoil me like this everyday now?"

"If you let me," she smiled.

As Harry started eating his pancakes Hermione just watched him. "Stop staring at me, it creeps me out," he mumbled with his mouth full.

"Will I scare you away if I tell you that I am really happy right now?"

He shook his head. "Look Hermione, we probably should keep this to ourselves for a while, don't you think? I mean, ease Ron into it a bit. Don't you think so?" She nodded. She was disappointed, she wanted to scream that she was seeing Harry again, but she also knew that he was right.

"So what are we now? A couple? Friends? Or friends with benefits?"

"I don't know, I'm not making the rules. But I'd say that we are between dating and couple." Harry saw Hermione frowning slightly and knew she was overanalyzing it all. "Come here," he ordered as he pulled out his chair, "sit". He gestured to his lap; she smiled and did as she was told. She sat down on one of his legs, with her own legs placed in-between his legs. She smiled sweetly at him.

"I know you are worrying about small things right now, but you should just focus on the good things. We are together now, aren't we?"

"Well, I have a few questions…" He nodded inquiringly. "About all those girls…" Harry frowned when he heard what the question would be. She jokingly hit him on the shoulder. "I have to ask,"

"No Hermione, you don't. We are starting fresh now; no girl ever mattered to me except you. You should probably know that the number of girls have been greatly exaggerated by the magazines as well." She doubted the last statement.

"But we are now seeing each other exclusively right?" she inquired.

"Of course. I wouldn't want any other girl. I finally got you back." He smiled and kissed her neck.

"You could have gotten me a lot earlier if you had just asked," she mumbled.

He stopped kissing her and looked at her. "Well, I guess I wasn't ready. I was very mad, and hurt. But the fact is that I never stopped loving you, so how could I not want to be with you? But we should leave the past behind us, and concentrate on here and now, and on the future." She didn't answer, but she gave him a long and deep kiss. They agreed to keep their relationship a secret for a while, until the time was right.

Harry had a hard time getting any work done; all he did was dream about kissing Hermione. He could watch the huge clock on his wall for hours, just waiting for time to pass and longing to go home. When he went to lunch he saw Hermione sitting on the other side of the canteen with co-workers from her department. He looked at her and his eyes were sparkling, he felt happy again. He had been so madly in love with her two years ago, in those few days they had spent together he had allowed himself to dream about what could be, but those dreams had been smashed so fast. But he had never stopped hoping, loving, and dreaming. Every new girl he met, he would compare to her. But no one could ever compare, no one smelled as nice, no ones skin felt like fire under his fingers. No one could make him laugh like she could and no one could drive him crazy, in both good and bad ways, like her. And now he had her again, she had slept in his arms that night. Things were going to be all right, he just new it. Ron might think it was strange in the beginning but he would come around!

As Hermione got up from her table to leave, she suddenly saw Harry. She beamed at him.

He felt like waving her over, but he had to remind himself of their talk that morning. They shouldn't flaunt their love in front of everyone!

Harry was sent on a secret mission later that day, and he'd have to be away for the rest of the week. He didn't have time tell Hermione that he was leaving, and he knew she'd be disappointed.

When Hermione got home from work, Hedwig was waiting on her bed. She reached out for the parchment tied around the bird's leg.

**Hermione,**

**Bad news!**

**I have been sent away for work and won't be back until Friday! This couldn't have happened at a worse time. I will make it up to you this weekend, I promise.**

**Love,**

**Harry**

She pressed the parchment against her chest. She was disappointed that he would be gone for five days, but it was all right. He had written her a note, because she was important enough to be notified, just like a caring boyfriend would notify a girlfriend. Was she his girlfriend? She sure hoped so.

The week felt like it would never end. She missed Harry terribly, it felt like she had tasted a small spoon of a delicious cake, and she wanted to eat the whole thing now. She had avoided Isaac a couple of times during the week, but she didn't have to work hard. He was on the same floor as Harry. And if Harry was busy, so was Isaac.

When Friday finally came she was in a hurry to get home, she didn't know when Harry would be home and was hoping he was already there. As she opened the door she was surprised to hear a lot of different voices. She went straight into the kitchen with her coat still on.

"Ron?"

"Hi, pretty lady," he answered, "we're having a party. I invited the gang."

Hermione looked around and sure enough there they all were. "Don't you think Harry will be too tired for a party?" she asked slightly annoyed that her night with Harry might be spoiled. She felt a warm hand softly touch on her waist. She smiled and turned around, but it was not Harry. "Isaac?" she exclaimed. She turned back to face Ron and he winked at her, nodding as if to say "you're welcome".


	12. No other love

**AN: I just want to say thanks to all of you who take the time to review the story, it means a lot! Some have even sent me e-mails, keep it up guys!**

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Chapter 12

No Other Love

_No other love darlin I'm flying  
No other love darlin I'm flying  
I can go I can go anywhere  
But no other love can take me there_

"_No Other Love" - Heart_

Isaac leaned forward and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I haven't seen you all week. How have you been?" He spoke softly so the others wouldn't hear. Hermione forced a smile.

"Oh, you know me – busy, busy." She looked around at all the faces looking excitedly at them. Apparently they all liked the idea of Hermione having a new boyfriend.

"Well if we are having a party I guess I'd better go and get ready," she muttered. "Ron, would you just help me with something upstairs?" She jerked her head towards the stairs. He put down the drink he was holding and hurried after her. She didn't speak until they were in her room, and the door was closed. Ron sat down on the bed and grinned at her.

"You're welcome," he continued. "I mean I must admit, that it still bothers me slightly, the thought of you with someone else. But, hey, it's been two years and…"

She grimaced at him and interrupted. "Are you done yet?" she snapped.

"What's with everyone today? First Ginny and now you…" he shrugged.

"Why was Ginny mad at you?" she asked curiously.

"Well apparently I shouldn't have invited Zoya,"

"You invited Zoya?" she sighed. "Of course you did…." She let Ron go back down as she was about to get ready. She sat down on her desk chair and slumped down over the desk. What a mess! How should she act? She couldn't be rude to Isaac, he had been nothing but nice to her. But she couldn't very well let him flirt like he always did, Harry would be furious about that. The last thing she wanted was for Harry not to trust her again. And what about Zoya and Ginny? They would be all over Harry. She would have a hard time watching that, especially since she was pretty sure that Zoya had been with Harry. She looked into her mirror and asked herself out loud, "How do you get into these situations?"

She opened her closet and decided on what to wear. She walked out of the room wearing a slick pair of blue jeans and an off-the-shoulder, grey sweater with sleeves that stopped three-fourths of the way down her arm. She didn't have time to do anything to her hair so she just put it up in a tight pony-tail. As she was putting on some lip-gloss, she could hear Zoya shrieking with delight, which could only mean one thing: Harry was home.

Hermione began walking downstairs, but stopped before she was in sight, she peeked around the edge and saw Harry trying to get his coat of while Zoya was pulling his arm. She saw Harry give her a quick hug. Zoya was wearing a very short red dress, and she looked more like a slut than she ever had before. She took a deep breath and thought, _You can do this Hermione, just be strong, and keep up the act… Oh, who am I kidding? This is going to be hell._ She walked down the stairs and tried not to look fazed by Harry's presence. Zoya gave her an arrogant look and turned her attention back to Harry, but he was looking at Hermione.

"Hi, welcome home Harry," Hermione gave him a sweet smile. He walked over to her and put his arms around her. He knew he couldn't kiss her here in front of everyone, but when no one saw he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He enjoyed the scent of her. He'd had an awful week, running around Glasgow looking for a dark wizard who was selling some very dangerous potions.

"You look wonderful," he whispered softly. She didn't feel wonderful at all. Zoya looked very sexy, and Ginny had also made a fuss. She was wearing a dark green, long dress that really made her hair look like fire.

"I'm not sure I can do this," she whispered back.

"Sure you can."

"Isaac is here as well," she whispered and he pulled away from her and looked a little surprised. She followed the rest into the living room where the table was already full of drinks. She was happy to see that Fred had brought Angelina. They were sitting together on the sofa, and Neville sat next to them, looking uncomfortable every time they kissed. Harry sat down in the armchair and Ginny sat down on the floor next to him. Zoya sat down on Harry's lap, and just as Hermione raised her eyebrow irritably, Harry said, "Zoya, do you mind? My legs are really sore from walking all week." She looked disappointed but obeyed and moved over to one of the kitchen chairs. Isaac had carried out an extra kitchen chair for Hermione and she sat. She had a feeling that this would be a long night.

_I can just excuse myself and go to bed early,_ she thought, _but I haven't seen Harry all week. I want to be near him. And besides, I need to keep an eye on Zoya…Harry is mine now!_

Isaac handed her a drink and she took a rather large sip. Hermione noticed that Ginny was throwing Isaac a few glances; apparently she couldn't decide who she'd feast her eyes on tonight. _That's fine, _Hermione thought_, Isaac is all yours – just leave Harry to me. _The others were obviously really in the mood for a big party, but Hermione just wanted them all to go home. She just wanted to sneak into Harry's room after Ron had gone to bed and snog all night.

Seamus had brought two girls, both seemed infatuated with Isaac. This only made it easier for Hermione; she didn't have to keep talking to him all the time. She couldn't be rude to him, he was truly a great guy, but she couldn't very well keep flirting with him like she had done the previous weekend.

"We should play truth or dare, like last time," Ginny suggested.

"Yes!" Zoya, Seamus, and the two new girls yelled in one voice.

"I'm not playing," Harry said calmly. Neville, Hermione and Luna all agreed. Ron remained neutral, but the whole idea died out. Ginny had only wanted to play so she could get closer to Harry.

"Can we at least dance? Or are you party-poopers against that as well?" she asked sulkily. She pointed her want at the stereo and music started playing immediately. She grabbed Harry's hand and pulled him to his feet. Harry looked apologetically at Hermione, but she didn't really mind. She knew Harry hadn't had any interest in Ginny for a very long time. She felt a bit worse when Isaac took her hand and led her to the small area where everyone was dancing. She felt Harry's eyes fixed on them. The very second the song was over Zoya ran up to Ginny and Harry; she grabbed Harry and forced his arms around herself.

Hermione's gaze flittered from Zoya to Harry as she digested the scene before her. Her face tensed slightly when Zoya placed her hands around Harry's rear. Her eyes then remained on Harry for some time, observing every nuance of emotion that flickered onto his face. He firmly removed Zoya's hands and placed them around his neck. Hermione loved the song that was now playing

_No other love darlin I'm flying  
No other love darlin I'm flying  
I can go I can go anywhere  
But no other love can take me there_

It was as if it was a song was meant just for her and Harry. She was still dancing with Isaac, but Harry and she never broke eye-contact. She couldn't bear not dancing with Harry. She let go of Isaac and asked politely, "Would you mind horribly if I had just one dance with Harry?" He smiled and followed her up to Harry and Zoya. Zoya looked very cross when Hermione tapped her shoulder. "Hardly," she snapped at Hermione.

"Don't be rude, Zoya," Harry impulsively spat back. She looked slightly hurt but started dancing with Isaac. Hermione's inside was sizzling and she felt almost nervous as she placed her arms around Harry's neck. He pulled her very close and she suppressed the urge to kiss him. He gently let his nose graze her neck, and she had to whisper a silent moan. She got completely overwhelmed when she felt the tip of his tongue lightly touch her neck.

"Stop it," she pleaded.

"I can't."

"You're killing me," she whispered with actual pain in her voice.

"I believe I said that to you once," he grinned contently. Harry glanced around the room. Besides Zoya throwing them the occasional angry look, no one had even noticed that they were dancing together.

"You look really great tonight and I have missed you so much," he whispered so close to her ear that Hermione could feel his warm breath; it took all her self-control not to kiss him right there.

"Oh Harry," was all she could get out.

After the song was over Hermione had to excuse herself for a minute. Her face was so red, and her heart was beating so fast. She needed to go outside and breathe for a second. She walked out on the grey, cold street and sat down on the pavement. She looked up at the starry sky and leaned back on her hands. She watched her breath as she exhaled into the cold air.

When she heard the front door open, she closed her eyes and pleaded silently. _Please, don't be Isaac, _she thought She turned her head and was relieved to see Harry.

"Hi, there," Harry said sweetly. "It's freezing cold out here. You're going to get sick." He saw down next to her, so close that their shoulders were touching.

"I like it, look at the stars, it's wonderful. I just don't feel like going back in there. The music is so loud, and everyone is getting drunk."

"Well I notice you're sober," he bit his bottom lip. He wanted to kiss her.

"Yes, and so are you," she looked at his lip and knew exactly what he was feeling. She looked up at the sky again. Harry took her hand in his and laid it in his lap. He tried to warm her hands with his, rubbing them fast.

"You are shaking, we should go inside."

"No I like out here," she answered, "it's the only private moment we've had all night." And typically, just with those words the front door opened.

"There ya're wus looking for you," Ron slurred. He squeezed himself between his friends and put one arm around each shoulder.

"Had a few drinks huh?" Harry laughed.

"What's thatzupposed to mean?" Ron asked and laughed back. Hermione had to breath through her mouth so she couldn't feel the strong smell of firewhiskey. Ron kissed her cheek, and then he turned and did the same to Harry. "You two…the best people," he sounded almost sentimental.

"All right, mate," Harry stifled a laugh and he and Hermione helped Ron up. When they got inside they met Zoya and Seamus in the hallway, Harry excused himself and said he was very tired and wanted to go to sleep.

"Good idea, sweetie," Zoya said and gave him a wicked smile.

"Oh, sorry Zoya. I'm going to sleep alone. But I can call you a taxi if you'd like." Zoya gave him a furious look, but agreed to a taxi. Hermione had to keep herself from not shouting that Harry belonged to her.

One hour after Harry had gone upstairs Hermione said goodnight to everyone. Isaac insisted on following her to her door upstairs. They walked up the stairs together and she stopped at her door. "Here's my room, I think I can manage from here," she joked.

"Maybe I should come in and look under the bed, make sure there are no monsters in there." He smiled his splendid smile at her.

She laughed it off and continued, "You shouldn't go home just because I am going to bed. Stay and have fun!"

He shook his head. "I just came to see you."

She leaned against the wall. She was a little uncomfortable knowing that Harry was in the next room. Isaac leaned his elbow against the door, standing very close to her.

"May I kiss you?" he whispered. She didn't know what to say, her mind was racing, what should she answer? Harry's door opened.

"Oh, hi," he yawned, "just going to the loo." Isaac backed away from Hermione and she smiled at him.

"Goodnight, Isaac," she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. A little frustrated, he went back downstairs and Hermione retreated into her room and leaned against the wall. That had been too close. There was a light tap on the door and she opened it carefully. Harry was standing there, he was wearing only pyjama bottoms and he looked incredibly cute. She let him in and leaned against the door again as it closed. Harry didn't speak, he just looked at her. He took her hands in his and placed them on his chest.

"I am scared," Hermione whispered.

"Why?"

"I don't know… maybe because it went so wrong last time. I don't want to lose you again." She had tears in her eyes now.

Harry stepped so close that their bodies were touching. "You won't lose me, I promise." He slowly started kissing her lips, very gentle.

"You…" One more kiss. "…are…" He bit her bottom lip. "…stuck with…" His tongue gently touched where he just had bitten. "…me."

She let one of her hands run through his hair. She didn't feel scared any longer, she felt safe with Harry. She knew he would never let anything bad happen to her, and she would never let anything happen to him. Nothing could come between them again. The past was truly behind them, finally. All that mattered was right there in that room. Harry pulled her shirt over her head and touched her shoulder so lightly that she could hardly feel it.

"I love you, Hermione."

"I love you, Harry."


	13. Songbird

Chapter 13

Songbird

_For you, there'll be no more crying  
For you, the sun will be shining  
And I feel that when I'm with you  
It's alright, I know it's right_

_To you, I'll give the world  
To you, I'll never be cold  
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you  
It's alright, I know it's right_

_And the songbirds are singing,  
Like they know the score  
And I love you, I love you, I love you  
Like never before_

_And I wish you all the love in the world  
But most of all, I wish it from myself_

_And the songbirds are singing  
Like the knew the score  
And I love you, I love you, I love you  
Like never before, like never before _

"_Songbird" by Fleetwood Mac_

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"I am going to talk to Ron," Harry suddenly said. Hermione had her back to his chest and he was slowly stroking her hair. It was three days after the party and they were lying in bed. Ron had left for another game abroad, and Harry and Hermione spent every second together.

"Don't you think it's too soon?" she asked. Harry had held her from behind, but now she turned and faced him. She had a concerned look on her face. He stroked her cheek reassuringly.

"Don't be such a coward," he laughed. "Look, he was the one who invited Isaac to the party, obviously he's fine with you seeing him."

"I guess," she smiled a little bit and continued, "I can't wait until everyone knows."

The day prior, Hermione had had a very uncomfortable talk with Isaac. She had explained that she had realized she was in love with someone else, and she apologized for not telling him sooner. He was very sweet about it and said he understood, he admitted to being a little disappointed but wished her luck. Hermione was so impressed that she thought about setting Ginny and Isaac up on a date.

Harry was eating his lunch alone. He had a lot to think about…like how would he tell Ron? Obviously he couldn't tell Ron about how it all started. Where should he start? Should he say that it was brand new and they were just dating, or should he tell Ron that he had fallen in love? Surely Ron would be all right with it.

His thoughts were interrupted by Draco Malfoy's sleazy voice. "Well obviously it's just a matter of time before I get a promotion," he bragged. Harry sneered over his shoulder; Draco was sitting with two men. He recognized one of them from school, obviously an old Slytherin.

"I would guess you'll be the new Minister of Magic within five years," one of the other guys said in a clear attempt to butter Draco up. Harry had to bite his lip so as not to start laughing out loud. He turned his attention back to his food. It wasn't long before he heard something that quickly caught his attention again. "So, working with that Granger, how is that?" the boy trying to gain Draco's liking asked.

"Well what can I tell you about her, I'm her boss, she has to do whatever I say," Draco snickered.

"She has become quite the looker, that one," another man said.

"Mmm… if you like those… Well I can't very well say the word in here, but you know what I mean. You do know that she's an MB?" he gave them a knowing look.

"Doesn't matter, you don't have to marry her, just have some fun,"

"Naturally. I think I'll give her an order to follow me on a business trip, and I'll just teach her what dark magic feels like," Draco sneered. Before Harry could stop himself he had thrown himself on top of Draco. Draco had lost his balance and was lying on the floor. Harry pointed his wand at him.

"Potter! What the hell are you doing?" the other man yelled.

"You should watch it," Draco mocked.

In a very calm tone of voice Harry said, "No Malfoy. _You_ should watch it. Be very careful, you'd do well to remember what happened during the war." Draco had lost both his parents, and had been damn near going to Azkaban. Draco's eyes blackened at the mention of war. "Hit a sore spot did I?" he spat at Harry, still lying on the floor. "If I hear you do anything at all, trying to make Hermione's job hard. I will personally see to it that you will spend the rest of your years at Azkaban." Draco knew Harry meant it, and probably could do it. Harry walked away, boiling with anger. How lovely it would have been to curse Malfoy right there.

When Hermione got home from work that day, she found Harry and Ron in a wild discussion about Quidditch. They were sitting at the kitchen table, so into their conversation that they didn't even notice her arrival. She walked quickly to the side of the table and slammed the books she had been carrying down on the table. Startled, they both jumped.

"Oi, what's your problem?" Ron cried out.

Hermione looked angry at Harry. "Is it true? Did you really threaten to curse Malfoy?" her voice was very high-pitched. Harry looked guilty but didn't answer. With a loud sigh she slumped down on the next chair.

"Did you really? Harry, that's so brilliant," Ron was positively beaming at Harry.

"What are you talking about Ronald?" Hermione's voice had reached an ever higher lever, "Harry could loose his job for this. Malfoy is most likely to make my life even more hell now. I heard people saying that Malfoy is going to the Minister tomorrow." She looked desperately at Harry.

"I didn't mean do get you in to trouble, Hermione, he just made me so mad. He deserved it; actually I _should_ have cursed him,"

"What did he do?" Ron had his mouth filled with some of the cookies Mrs. Weasley had sent over. Harry could hardly understand him.

"Honestly," Hermione muttered at him.

"OK, I am just going to say this now. Malfoy was making rude comments about you Hermione."

"I don't care," she moaned putting her head in her hands. Harry cautiously looked at Ron. He was very interested in the conversation, and Harry didn't know where he got the nerve but suddenly he said:

"Ron, I want to tell you something…." Hermione looked up with large eyes; Ron on the other hand just stuffed another cookie into his mouth and nodded encouragingly.

"…Well the things is. I've wanted to tell you for a couple of weeks now, well… Hermione and I, well… we kind of…well we have feelings for each other," he looked carefully at Ron.

It was obvious that Ron didn't understand. "Romantic feelings," Harry added. Ron looked at Hermione, she nodded with caution. Ron swallowed the rest of the cookies and remained silent.

"Are you mad or…what are you feeling?" Hermione asked.

"Mad? No, why would I be?" Ron finally spoke. She shrugged at him. "I am a bit surprised, and I must admit that it is a little bit strange, I mean you were my girlfriend once, but that was ages ago. Were you afraid to tell me about this?" Hermione and Harry nodded together. "Come on, you know me better than that," he laughed out loud. "I think it's kind of great. I mean, you two are my best friends, and Hermione you knew I always was kind of jealous of Harry when we were together. Funny how that worked out, two years later you two hook up when I was afraid you would have done it while we were together." Hermione felt an awful feeling of guilt but she smiled at him. Harry placed his hand on top Hermione's hand, he was a little bit afraid of Ron's reaction, but he didn't seem to mind at all. "Look, just don't start to leave me out of everything, and don't start snogging everywhere in the house. I don't want to have to gag," Ron joked. "Merlin knows I've seen enough of Harry's birds around this house." Hermione pulled her hand back, and Harry rolled his eyes at Ron. "Sorry." Ron shrugged.

Christmas was around the corner and Hermione couldn't help but think about the Christmas two years ago, it was a hard decision she had made, but it now felt like the right one. Ron had taken it so well, and she was hoping the rest of the Weasley's would be happy for them. She knew Ginny wouldn't like it, but she would just have to come around to it. It didn't really matter what Ginny thought, the only person Harry and Hermione had been worried about was Ron, and he had been so supportive.

Hermione was sitting on the floor in front of the fire wrapping presents when she heard Harry sneaking up behind of her.

"Hi, pretty lady," he gave her a cup of hot chocolate. He sat down on the floor behind her with his legs on each side of her. She craned her neck and gave him a kiss.

"Trying to sneak a peek at your gifts?"

"Wouldn't dare to," he answered.

He kissed her neck and it tickled Hermione, she turned around and sat opposite him. "I am so happy," she whispered.

"Good." She leaned forward and kissed him sweetly.

"You're all I want for Christmas," Hermione continued.

"Cheesy!" Harry tickled her stomach and she bent over laughing. It was very hot in the room, but it felt perfect. She looked around at the living room, it was beautifully decorated and there was a big tree in the corner which Harry, Hermione, and Ron had decorated together. "Guess what?" Harry suddenly remembered something he had to tell her. "I told Neville about us…."

"I thought the Weasleys would be the next to know."

"Yeah, but I mean, it's Neville. We can trust him. But you won't believe what he said! He wasn't surprised at all; he has apparently been waiting for the news for ages. He said he has noticed our looks and the tension between us since you moved back to London."

"What?" Hermione was surprised; she didn't know that Neville Longbottom could read signs that well.

"Stop interrupting," Harry laughed. "That's not the good part. Neville also said that he thought we weren't hiding it very well, just like Ron and Luna!" Hermione just gasped at Harry who nodded excitedly.

"I can't believe it," Hermione squeaked.

"I know, but I don't think we should ask Ron about it," Harry quickly added.

"No, I agree, he'll tell us when he's ready. Just like we did," Hermione agreed. She lay down on her back and Harry followed, he rested on his elbow and lay close to her, softly touching her face with his other hand. This was what he had wanted all along, Hermione to be his. And now he had her. He could hardly believe it. He gazed into her beautiful brown eyes;

she was so perfect. _How could I have been so lucky?_ he thought.

"You know what I imagine," Harry spoke softly. Hermione didn't answer she just listened and stroked his hair. "I imagine us in a big house out on the country side. It'd be great if we didn't have neighbours too close, so the kids could practice Quidditch without any muggles seeing them." He paused for a few seconds to see if Hermione was laughing at him, but she seemed to enjoy every word. "We'll have dogs, and Crookshanks might want his own little cat wife. Ron will have to live pretty close, and we'll spend our evenings with our friends and family." He looked down at Hermione and she smiled back at him.

"We'll have that," she raised her head slightly and gently touched his lips with hers. She continued, "Just as long as you don't see me barefoot at the stove."

"Nope, just naked all the time," he grinned at her. He put his head on her chest and listened to her heart. "I'm not afraid of the future anymore, not now that I have you," he whispered.

"You'll always have me," she answered.

"I will love you forever, Hermione."

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_**That's end guys! Thanks you so much for reading my story, and thanks again to my beta Chelsey!**_


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